wasn’t going to be him. Still, I put the piece of paper in my desk drawer instead of throwing it away.
I berated myself the entire time I showered and cleaned, so by the time Audrey and Trish showed up with movies and ice cream I had already lectured myself a hundred times.
“You guys don’t have to stay with me, you know,” I said as Trish handed me a pint of Cherry Garcia and Audrey slipped off her shoes before flopping on my bed.
“We’re not babysitting you. We’re concerned friends who want to hang out with you,” Audrey said, arranging some of the pillows. Stryker had thrown all of them on the floor when…
“You okay?” Trish said as she popped in Bridesmaids. I knew my face was red, so I stared into the ice cream container to try to hide it as I sat next to Audrey.
“Yeah, fine.” Trish looked at me suspiciously, but Audrey started tossing pillows at her so she could make a little couch of them on the floor.
I didn’t pay attention to the movies and just laughed when Trish and Audrey did. My mind was occupied with remembering what I’d done with Stryker and trying to forget it at the same time.
It didn’t matter how good it was, or how right it had felt at the time. It had been a bad idea that I’d acted on and it wasn’t going to happen again. Especially after my little breakdown.
The last time I had sex with Zack, he’d made me cry, too. Maybe it was a conditioned reaction for me now. Sex and crying.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Audrey asked as she handed me her empty container at the end of the second movie. I didn’t know how she ate so much ice cream and still kept that thin. Good genetics, probably. I got up to toss the ice cream containers and took a deep breath so I wouldn’t say something I would later regret.
“I love you guys. Both of you. But if you don’t stop asking me if I’m okay, I’m going to freak out, and I really can’t handle that right now. Zack and I broke up, I’m moving on. Got it?”
They both nodded like bobble head dolls.
“I’m not trying to be a bitch, because it’s so sweet that you care and that you’re willing to give up your lives to make sure I don’t go off the deep end, but enough is enough. I need some air.”
Audrey spoke first, her eyes not meeting mine.
“We’re sorry. We just didn’t know what else to do.” Yup, I felt like a bitch anyway.
“It was Lottie’s idea. Blame her,” Trish added. I wished she hadn’t mentioned Lottie. She was off on a date with Zan, even though she knew he and I had slept together. She must really love him.
“I hope she doesn’t hate me,” I said, sitting next to Audrey again.
“It’s not like you could have known,” Audrey said
“Not to be creepy or anything, but how did it happen?” Trish said. “I just don’t see the two of you hitting it off.”
“It was one of those really, really stupid decisions you regret the second after you make it, but it’s too late. Let’s just say I’d had a really bad week, it was summer, I was drunk and he was willing. I don’t remember much of it, but enough to know that it happened. And then Zack noticed me and that was it.”
When it came to charm, Zack had it in spades. He’d said all the right things that made me feel all warm and fluttery inside, and before I knew it, we were going at in the bed of his truck, and then we were just together. And now we weren’t.
I shrugged because it seemed so minor now. None of it mattered anymore.
We got through another movie and made nachos before Lottie came back from her date with Zan. She should have been spending the night in his room, but she probably wanted to make sure I was okay, which made me feel even more like a bitch.
“Hey, how was your date?” Audrey said, yawning.
“Good. Really good. How are you?” The last part was directed toward the group, but meant for me.
“I’m fine.” She nodded and I could sense one of her famous word volcanoes was about to erupt. She always took a deep breath before she started one so she could talk without having to interrupt the flow by breathing. It was annoying at first, but