minus a few days, but I wasn’t a kid. I’d practically raised myself. I didn’t have a mom around to fuss over me, and Dad’s constant string of women never stayed more than one night. We had a housekeeper, Greta, but she barely spoke a word of English. She made good cannoli though.
“What do I do?” I repeated, my stomach a tight ball of nerves.
“Get down here.” He grabbed me by the arm and yanked me down onto the overturned log, right at the same time as Uncle Michele got up.
“I’m going to warm up.”
“Pussy,” my father grumbled, and something passed between them.
“Bloodthirsty coglioni.” Uncle Toni got up too, squeezing my father on the shoulder. “Go easy on the boy.”
My brows crinkled. I didn’t understand what they were talking about. But I still had the knife in my hand and my father’s icy stare drilling holes into the side of my head.
“Pinch its hide and cut it near the base of the neck.”
My fingers trembled as I reached for the dead animal. The blood was cold and sticky as my hand slid into the wet fur.
“Good, now make the cut,” my father barked at my hesitation. I dry heaved as the blade slid into it like butter, but no more blood spilled.
“That’s it. Now turn the knife edge facing up and cut from the stomach to the neck.” I did as he instructed. “Okay, use your fingers to pry the skin apart. It’ll be a little tough, so you’ll really need to pull.”
Puke rushed up my throat, but I swallowed it down as I began unwrapping the rabbit like a candy sucker. It was all kinds of messed up seeing the flesh and bone underneath, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the helpless thing.
“Good, Lorenzo, good.” My dad gripped my shoulder. “Now we make little cuts around the feet here,” he sliced the fur, “and here, see. Then we can pull out the legs.”
“Holy crap,” I breathed as he helped me.
“What do you think?”
“It’s… gross but kinda cool.”
Laughter rumbled deep in his chest. “You are more my son than I give you credit for.” He stared at me in that intense way of his. I didn’t know what he meant, but I liked hearing him say it. All I ever wanted was to make my dad proud. To get him to pay attention to me the way Uncles Toni and Michele doted on my cousins.
“Good, Lorenzo, good. Now we can remove the guts.”
“Th-the guts?” I dry heaved, and he chuckled.
“But of course. We can’t eat the guts, Son.”
“It’ll be bloody?” My eyes were fixated on the animal’s rounded stomach.
“There will be some blood, but it’s small. It won’t be as bad as something bigger.”
“Like a deer?”
“Exactly.” He gently gripped my wrist and guided my hand—and the knife—back toward the rabbit. “You’ll have to cut through the membrane and scoop out the entrails with your fingers.” He continued forcing my hand until the knife slid into the rabbit’s stomach. Blood gurgled around the blade and I squirmed.
“Surely you’re not scared of a little blood?”
“N-no,” I said, breathing through my nose, hating the way it made my stomach roll. I wanted to be strong like my dad. Like Uncles Toni and Michele.
I didn’t want to get all squeamish at a little blood.
Animal blood, no less.
Pushing past the urge to puke all over myself, I pulled the rabbit’s insides out. The snow around our feet ran red with the splatters of entrails.
“I did it,” I said, puffing out my chest, feeling a lick of satisfaction zip up my spine.
When my father had handed me the hunting knife, I hadn’t wanted to do it. Nicco and Matteo weren’t expected to do such grim things. They were here enjoying the cabin and the snow and hunting, but then they were left to goof around because their fathers weren’t like mine. They didn’t push and push and push.
“I’m proud of you, Lorenzo, you did good.”
“Yeah?” I grinned. I couldn’t help it. Praise from my father was rare. You had to enjoy it while it lasted.
“Yes.” He gave me a stiff nod, gripping my jaw, smearing his bloody fingers all over my face. “You have so much to learn about the world, about this life…” he trailed off.
“About what you and my uncles do?” The words spilled out before I could stop them.
His eyes narrowed, a flash of surprise there. “What do you know about what me and your uncles do?”