The Vendetti Coward - Sapphire Knight Page 0,2
put my hand on her forehead as you showed me. I checked her bottom for a rash and her tummy for any marks.”
“And?” Violet probes, brow hiked. She bounces the bambina in her arms.
“Nothing. There wasn’t the slightest mark, yet she wailed regardless.”
She presses a kiss to my daughter’s forehead. “When she fuses like that, and you can’t find any reason, try walking around with her. Let her take in her surroundings. It may soothe her a bit.”
“She’s not used to me. Maybe I should have Margo raise her.”
Violet scoffs, sending me a glare usually reserved for when my brother is irritating her. “You promised Matteo you’d try, Sal. Being home with her for a week isn’t giving her a fair shot. Don’t you agree?”
I grumble, upset that I’d been adamant on being a good father, and yet I’m already trying to get out of my responsibilities.
“You need to talk to him. The only way he can help is if you communicate with him.” I understand why she says it. Matteo would do anything for her. Me, however, I’d look weak…like always. I’m not going to the Capo to speak with him about my issues. That’s not how it works with men, but Violet doesn’t understand, it seems.
“Matty’d be thrilled to hear I’m having anxiety attacks from being around a baby. No thanks. I’ll just deal with it.”
Her hand falls to my forearm. She squeezes and says, “He’ll respect you if ask for help. He wants to do whatever he can to make this transition easier on you. Please, Sal, just talk to him. Give him the chance to help you. He’ll take it, I promise.”
My throat feels tight, so I swallow, not sure what to say. How do I handle being around my famiglia when I’m stone-cold sober? I took counseling at the center, group and individual. I worked my steps and still continue to work them. They even provided classes on reintegrating into society. I thought I knew what I was doing, that this time around I had it in the bag. Then I came home and it was like I’d forgotten everything I’d just spent six months pounding into my brain. Addiction is relentless. It’s the hardest thing I’m having to work through in my life. At least, I thought so, until I met the little miss and she decided to scream my ears off every time someone else isn’t around the two of us.
“What do I say? I don’t know how to do this, Vi. We don’t ask for help when it comes to this sort of thing. We just grin and bear it.”
“And how has that been working for you over the years?” she retorts. “Not so well, huh?”
I shrug. She’s right. Doesn’t mean I’m going to start opening up to my siblings on the regular, if ever.
“Talk to Matteo privately. I know you seven do things as a famiglia, but this doesn’t concern any of your brothers, Salvatore. This is you doing what you need to do, so you can survive and take care of your child.”
Alone wouldn’t be so bad. Matteo’s used to me failing, so what’s one more thing, right? Fuck, I could use a drink. My mind flashes to the withdrawals I had and I shudder. Nope, not worth it. I don’t need to escape, I need to face this head on and deal with it. One foot in front of the other. I can do this. “Should I go now? Do you know if he’s busy?”
She beams, shooing me. “He’s never too busy for you, Sal. Your brother loves you. Go talk to him and let me get my niece cuddles in.”
“Thanks, Violet.”
“Of course. I’m here anytime you need me.”
She truly is the Vendetti Queen.
“You’re doing the best you can,” Matteo says after I tell him about the crying problem and the anxiety I’m having. “She’s a lot of responsibility. People don’t realize it until they have children of their own.”
“I’m already a bad father.”
He shakes his head. “I disagree. Each day you wake up and care for her, you love her. You’re sober. You’re already a good father to her. Being perfect doesn’t make you a decent parent. It’s showing up, giving them love, and providing them with what they need. It could be as simple as a hug, you never know.”
It’s a bit shocking to hear him speak like he is. He’s a good fratello, but I see why he’s such a great dad. He’s ruthless when it