hold while I’d been with him, the ones he called a waste of time. I hated that I ever listened to him. I hated that it took dying to get me here.
But here I was, twenty-eight years old and pursuing my dreams. The other employees would probably be younger than me, knowing from the get-go what they wanted to do. They would already have their feet in the door as they worked their way through college, but I wasn’t going to let my age or lateness to the game deter me. It was never too late to pursue dreams. I had to believe that. I refused for it to be too late.
Live for all of us.
I’d never found her. I’d asked every nurse I met, asked if they’d seen the woman dressed in a nurse’s uniform better fit for the forties, but not a single person knew who I was talking about. It hadn’t made sense, still didn’t, and my therapist believed it was just an image my subconscious supplied while I’d been dead on the table, but I refused to believe that. She’d been so clear, her words so strong, they couldn’t have come from my mind. I wanted to thank her, to tell her I would live for every woman who’d suffered abuse, but I’d never been able to find her to do so.
Realizing I needed to head inside if I didn’t want to be late on my first day, I moved beneath the large marquee and opened the heavy door, absorbing everything like the sponge I was. The flare of the brightness of the outside and the darkness of the inside took a moment to adjust to before the beauty came into view before me. It was just as awe-inspiring inside as it was on the outside. The red velvet walls meant to accentuate the music while also blocking some of the sound from leaving the building made me ache to run my hand along it as I walked inside the ticket area. Through large doorways, I could see the stage, the floor meant for standing room, the rows and rows of seating higher up. The stage was polished mahogany, sparkling and well-cared for. To the left and right were narrow stairs that led to the upper levels. One day, I hoped to experience everything the Paragon had to offer. The floors were smooth as I moved across them into the main stage area, finding the very modern bar added in and built to look as if it has always been there. There was a man there carrying kegs and hooking them up, his muscles bulging thickly. I moved through the music hall toward him, ignoring the flashes from the corner of my eyes, knowing nothing was real. I couldn’t wait for the first band to come onstage, to witness what the Paragon turned into once it came to life with music and fans. I knew it’d be beautiful.
“Can I help you?” the man behind the bar asked, pausing his work long enough to look at me and wipe his forehead on his bicep.
“I’m looking for Danielle. Today’s my first day,” I replied, shifting uncomfortably.
He raised his brows, studying me, but then he smiled warmly. “You’re the new Assistant Manager! We needed some fresh meat in the Paragon. Danielle should be in her office. I’ll ring her and let her know you’re here.” He picked up a phone I hadn’t noticed and tapped a button, speaking softly into the phone.
While he called Danielle, I turned in circles, staring up at the tall ceiling, at the inserts meant to turn the Paragon into an immersive concert. The music hall was massive once you stood inside of it, enough space for plenty of customers, whether you preferred the mosh pit or the seating. Back before it became strictly a music hall, the Paragon was a theater, and all the golden elements and accents were still left, carved by a painstaking hand and well cared for. The box seats overhung the bar, so I moved further down to get a better look at it all. Besides actual row seating, there were also VIP boxes, the perfect places to see the show. If I wanted to purchase tickets, I’d probably be in the nosebleed section, too limited on funds to splurge for the best experience but at least I’d still be part of it. At least, I was alive to see it. I could barely afford my one-bedroom apartment eight blocks