Thorns and Forgiveness (Twisted Legacy Duet #2) - CoraLee June Page 0,2
my scabs, refusing to let me just sit with a decision. Most of the time, I appreciated her tenacity. Jess was brave, hard-hitting, and determined. She didn’t let me wallow in self-pity, and she sure as hell didn’t let me go on nuclear self-destructive benders. But right now, I didn’t want her invasive opinions. I’d made up my mind, and I was going to stick to it—for Vera’s sake.
She pressed on, blocking the bathroom exit with her body when I moved to leave. “Martyr shit. This is some fucked up martyr shit, Hamilton. You like Vera. So what if you lied? Apologize, do better, and move on with your motherfucking life. She’s Sycamore Tree, Hamilton. Not to mention, Vera might be the only girl I’ve ever liked for you. Win her back. Easy.”
I let out a huff. Jess made it seem so simple. Sure, I could probably win Vera back. My girl was sympathetic, empathetic, compassionate, and loving. Her heart was an endless well the rest of the world liked to drink from. If I wanted her back in my bed by tonight, I probably could have her. I didn’t mean that to sound cocky or assuming. She was a forgiving soul, and it was one of the things that immediately drew me in about her. But it was the moving on with my life part that made me stop dead in my tracks. How long until I was fucking up again? How long until I ruined shit and had to ask for her forgiveness?
Being arrogant was a lonely battle.
“I didn’t like her that much,” I lied with bitter, false acceptance, the taste of it like gunpowder on my tongue. The truth was, I liked her too much. Hell, I loved Vera Garner and wanted to spend all day wrapped up in her mind. She was too good for me—and too damn good for this fucked up family. I used her as a pawn, and there was no coming back from that. Even if Vera was willing to forgive me, I struggled with forgiving myself.
Jess was pissed, her words booming at me. “That’s some bullshit. I’ve never seen you like this. I know you care about Vera. Pull your head out of your ass and go get your girl, Hamilton!” Jess stomped her combat boots on the linoleum floor. Her tantrum made me want to smile. My best friend was loyal to a fault, and if she had to choose, she would always choose me. But Jess liked Vera. She didn’t just want things to work out for my sake.
“So I can just hurt her again? You didn’t see her fucking face, Jess. She risked it all for me, and I took advantage of that. Vera was devastated. She got this defeated look in her eyes. Like, the flickering light went completely out. A struck match in a motherfucking hurricane. It stuck with me. I’ve only seen her like that one other time: when her mother showed up, bloodied and blue on my doorstep. I’m not going to be another person in her life that makes her feel like shit. I’m not going to ruin the girl I love.”
Jess’s expression softened. She reached out and awkwardly wrapped me in a hug. I let her, mostly because I needed it. “Hamilton. You aren’t going to ruin her.” Jess squeezed me one more time before pulling away and looking up at me. “You made a mistake. The difference between you and her monster of a mother is that you feel remorse. I mean, fuck, bro, you look like shit. And you’re torn up about this. I know you. I know you better than anyone in this fucking world.” She chewed on her lip ring for a moment, then shrugged. “I think Vera needs you. I think you challenge her. I don’t trust Joseph. And if I were you, I’d put aside the martyr bullshit to protect your girl. If you accept defeat, you’re just delivering her and Lilah to Joseph with a bow.”
I clenched my jaw and looked at the ground. Jess was right. I couldn’t just walk away. I had to figure out a way to protect Vera from the disaster that was my family while keeping my distance. “Are you going to keep blocking me in?” I asked. Jess was a pain in the ass when she wanted to be. It was one of the many reasons why I loved her so goddamn much.