Faraway. Odin rode to the side of me whenever the road would allow and he would shoot me little worried glances.
Finally fed up with his worried looks, I decided to confront him. “What is it, Odin?” He looked embarrassed that I caught him.
“You have changed, little one,” He paused, thinking. “What has happened has made you grow up too soon.” Looking at the road ahead he went on, “The bad ones have stolen some of your carefree spirit. Instead you look like you are ready to meet the executioner.”
“I can’t help it, Odin; I’m scared.” Reaching down, I began to rub Faraway, more in an effort to comfort myself than him. “I’m going back to where it all started. I’m hoping that by retracing my steps, it will bring back the memories of what happened that night. Somehow, I disappeared amidst friends, family and all of my clansmen and no one saw anything.” Letting out a deep sigh I looked intently at Odin and let all of the fear and anxiety I was trying to hide show in my face. Lowering my voice, I whispered, “What if it happens again?”
“We will be prepared this time, Thalia.” He sat up straighter on his horse, slapping a closed fist against his breast. “No one will steal one of the daughters of the Valdyrstal clan again.” His eyes shone bright at the thought of battle. “They will taste our blades and wish for a swift death, but will be granted a long and painful one.”
I shuddered at the bloodlust that was evident in Odin’s eyes. The clan’s ruthlessness and protective spirit was probably why the Septori had not taken any children before me. I wondered what had changed. Thankfully the path we were traveling on narrowed and he had to drop back to follow behind me. I let my mind wander and settle on Joss, his crooked grin, sandy blonde windblown hair and blue green eyes deep with emotion, and my heart sang with joy before plummeting in shame.
I felt a pang of guilt at leaving the way I did, but I knew that I couldn’t fully open up to Joss unless I knew more about myself. I owed Joss more. I knew deep down I wasn’t being fair to Joss.
Kael’s stern face slowly formed in my mind and I tried to blink it away, tried to think of anything else. But Kael fighting his way out of the prison flashed through my mind, and then Joss appeared again bandaging my head. My own mind did a review of all of my encounters with Joss and Kael: Joss holding my hand during my bone setting; Kael fighting off a pack of mad dogs; Joss arguing with Healer Prentiss on my behalf; Kael killing the assassin; Joss stubbornly guarding me while I slept. Back and forth each scene played out and I felt more conflicted about Kael and Joss.
And then a thought hit me and I almost pulled Faraway to a standstill as the enormity of what I was doing sank in. I was running away. I was running as far as I could from all of the conflicting emotions.
My hands trembled as I realized, in some crazy way, I had some feelings for Kael as well. Joss was handsome, caring and safe, while Kael was striking, insensitive and spiteful.
What was I thinking? I mentally berated myself. I hated Kael. He did everything he could to make me hate him. Maybe that was why. Maybe my heart knew that he was trying to make me hate him, so instead I pitied him and cared for him. The emotions I felt were only compassion for an uncaring vagrant warrior. Right? That, as of right now, I would focus on what was good for me. When I discovered more about myself, I would somehow go back to the Citadel and be with Joss.
I must have spent a good hour debating with myself about my feelings; I had completely forgotten where I was. The sun began to go down and the woods we were traveling through became more sinister. We were passing through a mountain pass. Faraway stopped moving, his withers twitching in nervousness. Glancing around, I opened my mind to him.
What’s the matter?
Bad smell all around us.
Not waiting anymore, he opened himself up to me and I could sense what he smelled. He was right; it was bad.
This was no longer the Citadel’s arena; this wasn’t a practice game where I couldn’t get injured. This was