She thought of the cuff links he wore at their wedding. She’d hoped that one day the boys would wear them when they married the person of their dreams. She’d kept his golf clubs, despite how many times she’d resented him taking off for eighteen holes of solitude and fun when she barely got an hour to herself each day. But she’d hoped her boys would give the sport a try and find some commonality with their father. She pictured them standing on the course and taking a moment to think about him every time they played.
David died so young. It wouldn’t be long before the boys lost the sharpness of their memories of him. She feared Oliver would forget him altogether.
She’d kept as much as she could of David in the house to remind them, despite how those reminders triggered her resentments and anger.
Sierra reminded herself that she didn’t need the things in the house to remember all they’d shared under that roof. The good times. The bad. She still carried them with her.
David’s sudden death left her the keeper of his memory for the boys. She tried to keep him alive for them, but the fire took everything of his, all the mementos the boys needed to help them remember their father.
His stuff may be gone, but he’d left her with suspicions and doubts about the many months leading up to his death. Those didn’t burn up in the fire. But anything that might have revealed the truth was gone.
Sierra didn’t know if she could live without knowing, but what choice did she have now?
The fire had wiped the slate clean of every possession and tie to the past. She had to rebuild from the ground up.
No home. No job. A dwindling savings account.
It had taken hours to complete her claim with the insurance company, but a payout was weeks if not months away.
Rebuilding could take years with all the government red tape. But the cost of rebuilding . . . The insurance probably wouldn’t cover it.
Added to her worries, she no longer had an income. The property management company she worked for had burned down, too, along with many of the properties they oversaw.
She faced a long journey ahead of her to figure out what to do with the home she no longer felt a connection to.
It felt like one more thing David had left for her to deal with on her own.
What am I doing here?
There’s nothing left.
But she had promised the boys she’d take back anything she could salvage. She hoped to find at least one thing for each of them. The stuffed fish David won Oliver at the fair knocking down milk jugs with a baseball wasn’t even worth consideration. Neither was Danny’s science fair certificate he was so proud of winning. The memory would have to be enough for both of them. But maybe something survived.
She walked toward the property site and slid the respirator mask she’d been given over her head to cover her nose and mouth. She didn’t want to breathe in all the soot, ash, and toxic chemicals from everything that had burned and melted.
With the layout of the house ahead of her obscured by debris and simply unrecognizable without the walls defining the space, she started at the cement porch steps that led to where her door used to be. She stepped up to what used to be the entry and surveyed the destruction with a lump in her throat, tears in her eyes, and a very heavy heart.
Nothing in the living room, kitchen, dining room, or bathrooms was worth sorting through all the wreckage to find. She visualized the house and made her way to where the boys’ rooms were located, her rubber boots crunching over the remains of what used to be their home.
She tried not to think too hard about all they’d lost. Dishes, furniture, TVs, computers, clothes—all of it could be replaced, she reminded herself. That didn’t help ease the ache in her chest or the wanting to have it all back. The baby clothes she’d saved. The crib she’d stored in the garage just in case one day they had another baby.
Not possible for them now.
But she’d liked knowing it was there if she needed it.
Just like her grandmother’s quilt wrapped in tissue and stored in a box in the hall linen closet.
With the destruction spread out before her, it seemed ridiculous to even think something survived the flames and heat.