Salmonella men on Planet Porno: stories - By Yasutaka Tsutsui Page 0,4
that led to the hotel. I raced up the road panting, my whole body covered in sweat. I caught sight of the hotel’s purple neon sign. My knees were about to give way.
“Where have you been all this time?” said the girl as I rushed into the room. Dressed in a bathrobe, she was drinking a bottle of beer she’d taken from the fridge. She looked utterly fed up.
“Sorry about that. Come on, then. Let’s get on the bed!”
As I went to embrace her, she turned her face away in disgust.
“No way! You’re covered in sweat! Go and have a wash!”
All right. I took off my clothes and went into the bathroom.
When I came back out, she was on her second bottle of beer. I suddenly remembered that I didn’t have any money. I wouldn’t even be able to pay for the hotel room, let alone the beer.
Who cares, I thought. As soon as it was time to settle the bill, I’d just shout out loud. Then I’d wake up and get away without paying. The girl would be left behind, of course. She’d be taken away by the police on charges of not paying for drinks or accommodation. That would be a bit sad, but it couldn’t be helped. If I told her about it, she’d only refuse me again. Anyway, she was bound to have some money of her own, even if she was only a student.
Alcohol had given her cheeks a rosy glow, and her eyes were beginning to look glazed. The front of her bathrobe had fallen open, revealing a glimpse of her plump white breasts.
“Come on then, let’s get you on the bed. Heheh, heheh, hehe-heheheh!”
I lifted the girl in my arms and laid her down on the bed, where I undressed her.
Her body felt much too realistic for this to be a dream. If things feel this realistic, I should have had a beer too, I thought. I’d been thirsty just now and really needed a drink. But I thought it wouldn’t taste any good, as it was just a dream. So I decided not to. Anyway, I couldn’t get out of bed to have a beer now that I was in the middle of it. I started to get on with the action.
Then the doorbell rang.
The sound of it woke me up.
I was in bed, lying on top of my wife and making love to her.
“What? You??” I groaned. “The last person I wanted to be doing it with!!”
My wife had woken up at the same time. “The feeling’s mutual!” she replied with immense displeasure.
The doorbell rang again. It was already morning. Sunlight flooded in through a gap in the curtains, illuminating the Dabba Dabba Tree at the foot of our bed. I’m self-employed, so I don’t have to get up early.
“Who could that be? At this time of the morning?”
“Go and find out,” said my wife.
“You go!”
“I haven’t got anything on.”
“Nor have I!”
“You can get dressed more quickly.”
I got up, slipped on my shirt and trousers and went to open the front door.
Standing there in the porch was our neighbour, Mr Miyamoto.
“Mr Miyamoto!…” I was going to mention our meeting at the hotel, but I managed to stop myself in time. That was a dream, after all. “What is it? At this time of the morning?”
“Yes, I’m sorry to bother you so early. It’s just that I’ve got this ‘Dabba Dabba Tree,’ you see,” he said. “It’s a kind of bonsai tree, and if you put it in your bedroom at night—”
“Yes, yes, yes,” I interrupted. “I know, I’ve got one myself.”
“Then you’ll know what I mean. As it happens, I’m in the middle of a dream right now. Me talking to you here is actually part of my dream. Now, I’ve been quite keen on your wife for some time, you see. And I’ve always wanted to, you know, have her, if ever I had the chance. Well, thanks to my Dabba Dabba Tree, I can now fulfil my wish, even if it is only a dream. And that’s why I’ve come over. So without further ado, is your wife at home?”
“She’s still in bed, actually.”
“So much the better!” he said, and tried to force his way in.
I barred his path in utter incredulity. “Now just you wait a minute! This may be a dream for you, but for me it’s reality. I’m not going to let you barge in here and sully my wife’s honour just to fulfil your dream!”