I shrug out of her grasp. "You don't have to. It's true. You think you're the only strong one, and I'm a weakling who can't handle anything that isn't one hundred percent sunshine and rainbows."
She groans. "Now you're being dramatic."
"No, I'm not."
She raises her eyebrows and crosses her arms. "I'm trusting you with this. No one knows what I'm working on. It's not safe for anyone to have the information I have. The only reason I'm giving you access is in case something happens to me. If it does, the story needs to come out. If you can't see how much I trust you, then I'm not sure how to show you I do."
My insides vibrate with anger and fear. I'm tired of Naomi never telling me anything, but I'm also scared of what she's involved in. She's never done this before, or insinuated in any way she may end up missing or dead. I try to keep my voice calm, but it comes out shaky. "Tell me what you're involved in."
"If it wouldn't put you in danger, I would. I promise."
I blink hard and look away.
Way to show her I'm not weak. I can't even keep it together for a conversation. No wonder she doesn't trust me enough to tell me.
Naomi steps forward. "Box 1854. Don't forget the number."
I wipe my face and turn to her. "I won't."
She smiles. "Thank you. Now hug me."
I obey.
She holds on to me longer than usual.
"You can let go now," I say.
She releases me. "I'll be home later."
My chest tightens. "It's already nine o'clock. Where are you going?"
"I have to meet with Ezra."
"Why so late?"
"He had a lot going on today. I need his full concentration for this story. Knowing Ezra, it will take him a minute to digest. I don't know how long I'll be, so don't wait up."
I hate being at home alone at night. But I stopped telling Naomi a long time ago so she could have some sort of life that didn't revolve around watching my every move and wouldn't treat me like a baby.
A lot of good that did.
I force a smile. "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow morning for yoga class?"
"Yep. Want to hit the new cafe next to the studio after?"
"Sure. I heard they have awesome fry jacks."
Naomi licks her lips. "Mmm. I haven't had any in a while."
"Me, either."
She hugs me again. She usually doesn't hug me twice before leaving, which only makes my anxiety over what she's involved in skyrocket. "Get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Stay safe."
"I will," she claims then spins and leaves.
I follow her to the door and lock it. Then I turn on a few extra lights.
Ever since I was ten, I've been scared of things I shouldn't. Staying at home by myself at night is one of them.
Before I was ten, not much scared me.
Maybe that's why he was able to do to you what he did.
I shudder. No matter how much therapy I've had over the years, I still blame myself for letting my mother's boyfriend, Zaka Tillett, molest me.
Rationally, I know it's not my fault. But demons are hard to escape. And the bubble I live in—the one Naomi does everything in her power to keep around me—doesn't allow me to face my fears very often.
Maybe if I could, I would be able to get past certain things. Perhaps I could allow a man to touch me and not feel like Zaka's hands are still on me.
Not that I've given anyone a chance in years. After a while, I stopped trying to be normal and have a relationship. It's too painful, stresses me out, and there isn't anyone I'm attracted to or feel safe around.
You're destined to be a lonely old maid. Your grave will probably have, "Most boring person on earth," engraved on it, along with, "Virgin forever."
Except you aren't a virgin. He stole that from you.
Zaka's face flies into my mind, and my pulse increases. It was twenty-five years ago. I shouldn't allow him to haunt me anymore or steal one more second of my life.
But he does.
I want to move past it. I hate feeling like a victim and how much Naomi always worries about me. It's become her job, even more since our mother passed away.
I want people, especially those closest to me, to see me as strong. Instead, I'm the weak woman who can't keep her emotions together or handle easy things...like being at home by