like you to go over. You need to pick someone and soon. If he’s not up to speed by March, you can kiss next year’s Grammy nominations goodbye.”
“I haven’t heard of any of these,” Liam says, perusing the names.
“You’ve rejected everyone else.”
“Brad’s a hard man to replace.” I turn to him. “Why don’t you stay on? It’s only two months.”
“It’s ten weeks,” Brad says, shaking his head. “I’m not leaving them. We’ve been over this a hundred times. I’m sorry, man.”
“Can I arrange to bring them in this week?” Ronni asks.
I look at the others. At this point, we don’t have a choice. “Make the calls.”
Ronni runs through the rest of the packet. It’s all boring shit, but now that we’re owners, we need to know all of said shit.
“Is that it?” I say, turning the last page.
“Officially, yes.”
“Spit it out,” Crew says. “What did we do now? I haven’t kissed Bria onstage for months.”
“It’s not you,” she says to them and turns to me.
I point to myself. “Me?”
“You need to talk to Joe Perry.”
“Our lawyer? Why?”
She stares me down.
“Fuck no, Ronni. If this is about Jessica, there is no way the kid is mine.”
“Jessica? No. But it’s nice to get a head’s up about the next one. Does the name Nicki Montlake ring a bell?”
“Nope.”
She scolds me like an overbearing mother. “Do you even bother learning their names, Garrett?”
I laugh. “There are so many of them.”
Her eyes briefly close in frustration. “And here I thought Liam was going to be the one to knock someone up, but now he’s with Ella. Crew and Bria are together. Brad’s married. That leaves you as the only possible member of Reckless Alibi to father some groupie’s illegitimate child.”
“What, are we in middle school? Everyone knows condoms aren’t one hundred percent effective, and don’t tell me you believe girls who say they’re on the pill. All of you better start realizing you’re in a position to be sued by anyone for anything. You have to watch what you do, even what you say.”
I hold out my arm. “Take my goddamn blood. I’ll prove it.”
“I’m not sure it’ll come to that. Just talk to Joe, okay? And for chrissakes, try to limit the number, Garrett. At ninety-eight percent effectiveness, if you sleep with a hundred girls, statistically speaking, two will get knocked up.”
I feel the blood drain from my face. “No shit?”
Crew throws a bagel at me. “What the hell do you think ninety-eight percent effective means?”
“It means almost a hundred.”
“Yeah, douchebag,” Liam adds. “Almost.”
“Fuck. I’d better start using two then.”
Ronni rubs her forehead. “Don’t you dare. That’ll make it worse. The friction between them could make them break.”
“How the hell do you know this shit?”
“I’ve worked with musicians for a long time, Garrett. Trust me.”
“I should have gotten snipped a long time ago.”
Bria looks surprised. “I hope you’re kidding. You’re not even twenty-six.”
“I’ve never wanted kids. That and being a drummer are the only two things I’ve ever been sure about.”
“Garrett, please don’t,” she says with puppy dog eyes. “You’re still young, and you have absolutely no idea what will happen in the future.”
“If I get a vasectomy, I’ll sure as hell know what won’t happen.”
“Dude,” Crew says. “Seriously, don’t do it.”
“Whatever. It’s not like I’m running to the doctor right now.”
“Are we finished?” Liam asks. “Can we go rehearse now?”
On the way down the hall to the studio, Bria pulls me aside. “Garrett, you need to listen to me. Crew never thought he’d have another serious girlfriend after what happened to Abby, and now we’re engaged. Look at Liam—after what he survived as a kid, he didn’t expect to find love. You may not want a girlfriend now, but it’s because you haven’t met the right woman yet. When you do, your whole world might change.”
“Not everyone wants to fall in love and get married. You girls think every guy needs a girl to live happily ever after. Well, guess what? This—Reckless Alibi, you guys—is my happily ever after.”
“I want you to get everything you deserve.”
“I already have it, Bria.”
She looks at me sadly. She’s become the sister I never had. She’s family. The only thing I can do is smile and pull her into the rehearsal studio. Because if I continue to look at her, she might get me to admit I already met the right woman.