on the front wall pointing directly at the black London cab.
Worried? A little nervous, yes.
Enter at C in a sitting trot, stop at X salute. Feel better now? No. Usually the complex nature of dressage which is equal parts art and clever riding, plus remembering which way the hell to go next, helps clear my mind, it helps me focus.
I flick the slider bar on my phone to check it’s on silent, yes, proceed.
The cab driver sits idling outside the address. A deserted looking building. He looks at me questioningly in the rear-view mirror. "You sure this is right?" His voice betraying a little concern, perhaps he’s a father. The tick, tick, tick of the cabs slow engine rhythm. What song does that remind me of? 'Feel you', Depeche mode. Yep.
"I hope so." I smile. Smiling disarms people with bad intentions. It puts off anyone wishing to destroy me. It has the added benefit of demonstrating I know more than they do, about what it doesn't matter, that I’m confident is key. Off guard a confrontationist will simply stare as if he doesn't quite understand this creature in front of him. Yes, a smile can be very helpful tool indeed. It gives me a little courage.
I pay the man, I give him a tip: not the 'don't talk to strangers' type of tip, but the monetary kind, and drag my portfolio and laptop case up to the closed concertina metallic fascia of the large dull square of a grey brick warehouse.
There’s a door in the great frontage shutter with a buzzer. I wonder whether prisons have this kind of set up, door-wise. An old manky looking unit with a feint light, the bulb either needs changing or cleaning as it blinks on and off, it belongs in Blade Runner, but the dark Tokyo rain is missing, my impression that this is also fake crawls into my brain, what is this place?
Proceed at sitting trot to A. Feel better now.
One name is handwritten on a slip of card and slid into a buzzer slot, a swirly creative hand, unusual, masculine, I press the obvious button, and get a tight feeling across my chest as my heart pumps blood round so fast I actually hear it swoosh through my ears. I watch as my cab turns the corner out of sight and my exit plan becomes more complicated, it's too quiet now.
Canter at F. where in the arena is F? Bloody hell.
My phone vibrates and I ignore it.
I press the buzzer again, was that impatient? Half expecting no answer, and already planning my escape...I Try to recall which way did I come and how close is the main road?
A loud crackle from the buzzer unit...".....ell...o.....lp you?" It splutters.
The camera hums above as it moves to point at me, I am tempted to smile and wave, so I do.
"It's Tharie to see Daniel, I have an appointment."
...very loud screech!! "...kay, push the door..." I hear a buzzer around the frame and a loud click from within it, and push the door hard, I expect it to malfunction because that's the whole illusion of the place. To a casual observer you'd to taken in, you think what you’re meant to, what the place is designed to, but to an observer? I’m not fooled, but I am curious. My brain notices things, it can't help it, and it tells me everything, sometimes noisily.
Not surprisingly then the door opens smoothly and a whiff of scented air hits me in the face, smells connect pathways in my mind and I begin making memories of the smell, a masculine note, but fresh and young and my belly stirs, nice. It’s unexpected.
As my eyes adjust from the blinding autumn sunshine outside I enter a cavernous warehouse space, easily enough room to park a 747, clean, airy, painted shades of grey and black, even the floor which feels rubbery and non-slip beneath my Isabel Marant boots....well, this is an interview.
Ride a 20 metre circle at B. Circles, can’t get lost there!
Suddenly my carry-on feels heavy and I’m anxious for a place to sit it down. "Hi, come over..." comes a voice from beyond, I can’t see the owner of the deep strong vocal, but I smell his cologne and I make my way towards the sound and ground zero of the gorgeous smell. My mind begins to wonder, it's not letting these strings of thought go, they are too delicious, if only I had some tea, that would calm me...