times than he’s home, leaving a wife and daughter behind to live life without him. They don’t see the fights we have because of that job. And they most definitely don’t see the regret I have when I look at my life and the way it turned out.
I push all thoughts away, and I get behind the wheel and drive over to the flower shop I own. I inherited it when I was nineteen when my mother passed away of stomach cancer. I’ve been working at the place since I was old enough to hold a pair of sheers. I walk in and the bell above the door rings. Lisa, my employee and best friend, has already opened for the day.
“Hi, love. How’s your morning?” she asks from behind the counter.
“I think I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown, but I’m here,” I reply as I’m placing my purse under the counter and pulling out my apron to tie around myself.
She giggles. “It’s the day, huh?”
I nod. “Yep.”
“Is Tom going to make it home?” She knows that Tom is a sore subject, so her tone isn’t as strong as usual. It’s slightly shaky, unsure.
I shrug. “I haven’t talked to Tom since last week.”
“What?” she asks, confused.
I plop down on the wooden stool behind the counter. “I think he’s going to ask for a divorce.”
“What? Why in the world would you think that?” She’s suddenly concerned. Like most people in this town, Lisa doesn’t know the full extent of our problems. She knows more than most, but I’ve shielded that part of my life away from her as much as I could.
“Things haven’t been good for a long time,” I confess. “We hardly ever talk anymore, and when we do, we just argue. He’s been living at his apartment in London. If it wasn’t for Erin’s graduation today, I don’t think he’d be coming home now… if he even is. I don’t know anymore.” I feel a sob make its way up my chest. “What am I going to do, Lisa? I’m forty years old, and I’m going to be going through a divorce? It’s too late to start over. I haven’t been single in twenty years. I haven’t gone on a date since I was nineteen. I don’t even know how to date anymore.” Tears are quickly filling my eyes and falling over the rims. My heart is pounding hard, threatening to beat out of my chest, and my lungs feel like they’ve suddenly forgotten how to work.
“Shhhh. Oh, honey. You’re going to be just fine,” Lisa says, coming to wrap me up in a warm hug. She holds me close, slightly rocking me back and forth while shhhh-ing me. “Everything will be great, you’ll see. You are a beautiful, sexy, successful woman. Any man in town would be more than happy to have you on his arm.”
I snort. “Like who?”
“Well, let’s see.” She steps back to think it over. “What about Jack?”
I laugh. “Jack, really? He’s been married four times, Lisa,” I remind her, rolling my eyes.
“But he’s going through a divorce,” she points out.
“Next.”
Her eyes roll up as she thinks again. “Tony?”
I shake my head. “He’s twenty years older than me and just suffered a heart attack.”
“Damn, El. I didn’t know you were so picky!”
I laugh.
“I guess we could always track down Lo—”
“Don’t you dare say his name,” I nearly yell, cutting her off. I haven’t seen him since he left for college without me when we were eighteen.
He’s the one that got away. The real love of my life. The one that left for the college that we were both supposed to attend—that is, until my mom got sick and I had to stay home to run the store. I was to join him the following year, but we lost touch. The calls between us dwindled down to nothing. The letters stopped coming, and the visits never came through. The worst part is, I don’t even know why.
“It’s been years, El. I don’t think saying his name is like Beetlejuice or anything. He’s not going to magically appear if I say it out loud,” she points out.
“Well, I never thought I’d be forty, with my only child about to leave home, and going through a divorce either, but here I am, Lisa!” Okay, I may be a little irritable at the moment.
She laughs, knowing not to take my tone as serious as it sounds. “You don’t even know that. Tom isn’t home yet. Just… calm down