Never Enough - By Ashley Johnson
The sun peered in through the half open blinds that hung in the window of my bedroom. Apparently it was time to wake up but instead of dragging myself out of bed, I threw my teal comforter over my head and groaned. I pulled it back once more and glanced over towards my alarm clock. The time was only 9:00am; I had no idea why I was awake, although really I was never one to sleep late. It was a cruel joke, more like a curse. No one should have to be awake early, but I guess it was habit from back in high school when I had cheerleading practice. Nothing to add cheer to your day quite like waking up before the sun. I tried to close my eyes and go back to sleep but it just wasn’t working for me. Nothing was making me comfortable. I flopped from my side, to my belly, to my back, then back to my side. My brain was racing like a madman. My thoughts drifted back to the night before as I lie in bed. I drank way too much last night, but then that wasn’t really any different from any other night. The night was too much of a blur to really remember. My head hurt just from trying. I closed my eyes trying to clear the fog in my brain maybe that would help with some of this mass chaos. I was supposed to be working last night but work and play always seemed to go together for me. I always mixed the two up and it was always hell the next day. My body sure wasn’t thanking me this morning. Instead it was laughing at me and saying, “Good job Macy, this is what you get for being a drunk!” I badly wished I could tell my body to go screw itself, that I was the boss of me, but it would most likely retaliate and I didn’t need that this morning. All I could seem to remember from last night was Gary saying I could drink on him, which was the usual thing he told me. I graciously kept giving myself shot after shot of whiskey and after he tried to tell me I’d had enough, I began sneaking behind the bar to get what I wanted. Then, then there was Trevor James and his band. Oh lord, Trevor James. Cue the cheesy grin. I don't know what's gotten into me lately but I've begun drinking more. More than usual anyway, which is usually quite a bit. Perhaps it is my way of dealing with life. Everyone has their own little ways for things and this was apparently mine.
I sat up and pulled my long wavy hair back into a ponytail while letting out another groan. Some mornings I just wasn’t a morning person. This was definitely one of those days. I scooped my black sweatpants up off the floor and threw them on so I at least looked halfway decent whenever I decided to step out of the room. A few more minutes were needed to compose myself though. I stared into the mirror at my reflection. I was exhausted. My face looked weary like it was screaming for a break. I splashed my face with cold water and dabbed it dry with a towel. There, I felt a little more refreshed and not so dead looking. I was still nowhere near ready to let myself walk out of my comfort zone.
Trevor James had been trying to bat his eyelashes at me for a while now. A few months to be exact, I wouldn’t be surprised though if it hadn’t been since I moved here. I don’t know why he still tried. I don’t get why he couldn’t understand I was not interested in him at all? Who am I kidding? I absolutely loved the attention from him He was always quick to try to approach me when the band wasn’t playing and either attempt to start a conversation or make sure we brushed against each other. Don’t get me wrong, it was absolutely hot but it just wasn’t going to happen and I had no problem with wanting to burst his bubble. He was used to being turned down by me by now. He was the lead singer in his band, which had no name. They didn’t seem too concerned with getting one, they just played the music. He was easy on the eyes I will