My Kind of Happy - Cathy Bramley Page 0,3

our circle and around it she dotted others in white, green and more pink ones.

She tipped some smaller crystals out into her hand and held them out to us. ‘If you’d like to hold one during the healing, help yourselves.’

Laura and I exchanged sceptical glances. Maureen’s eyebrows flickered with interest as we made our choices. Mine was a smooth white stone shaped like an egg which seemed to have a light coming from its centre. Laura’s was blue flecked with gold.

‘Close your eyes and relax …’

I did as I was told. This is what I had come for: complete relaxation, for body and mind. A rest from the angry thoughts which had been tormenting me for the last eight months.

Let them go, Fearne, just let them go …

Chapter Two

Maureen asked us to imagine a sandy beach, a hammock, the gentle sound of the waves and warm sun on our skin, her words soft like a lullaby. My breathing slowed and I felt the steady beat of my heart in my ears.

‘And now, I will come to both of you in turn and begin the healing,’ Maureen murmured. ‘Concentrate on the area in your life or in your body where you need my help.’

As I let go of all the remaining tension in my muscles, I could sense that she had crossed the circle and was behind Laura. Normally this sort of thing would send me into a fit of giggles, but this felt really important. Laura had put up with my mood swings, my tears, my listlessness without comment and I’d done very little to repay her. Now I sent her my love telepathically and thanked the universe for her friendship.

I don’t know how much time passed but suddenly, I felt Maureen’s light touch on my shoulders. It was my turn; my stomach fluttered with nerves.

All at once, colours danced inside my eyelids: red, green, blue like fireworks exploding in my brain and all the doubts I’d had at the start of the session melted away. Even if these crystals didn’t have any effect, just sitting here, meditating and thinking good thoughts felt like a very good way to pass the time.

I sensed Maureen moving behind me, that heady aroma growing stronger and I heard the faint chinking sound as she selected crystals from the bag. After that initial contact, she didn’t touch me again, but I knew she was there and I knew she was trying to help me, to ease the sadness which she’d sensed so intuitively.

When will I feel normal again, Freddie? When will I wake up in the morning without my stomach dropping, remembering that your room is empty and you’re not coming back? When will I stop fearing for everyone I see riding a motorbike, wanting to shake them and tell them how stupid, how dangerous they are? Life just isn’t fun any more, grief feels like such a heavy load to carry day after day. First Dad left us and now you. I can’t bear it; I can’t bear losing people I love. Perhaps that’s the answer, perhaps I shouldn’t love anyone at all and save myself the heartache.

An image floated through my mind, a memory of my big brother and me playing on the altar in the little Welsh chapel where Granny was in charge of the flowers. We were obsessed with a board game called Operation at the time and we would take it in turns to operate on each other while Granny created huge arrangements of lilies and gladioli and chrysanthemums with the other ladies. I missed Granny so much, but her death had felt like the natural order of things. Not like Freddie’s stupid, stupid accident. I didn’t think I’d ever reconcile myself with that, no matter how long I lived.

Other memories began to flash up, happy ones: summers spent making daisy chains in the meadow behind Granny’s cottage, making the journey at dawn to the market in a van bursting with the perfume of cool fresh flowers, pinching pieces of fern – my favourite foliage of course – and other small flowers and making fairy bouquets with offcuts of ribbon from the haberdashery stall …

The sound of rustling fabric interrupted my thoughts. Maureen had moved away and was back in her own chair. She spoke soothingly, bringing our attention back to the room and after a few moments, invited us to open our eyes. Laura stretched her arms above her head and I blinked to refocus my vision.

My face