As I reach for the doorbell, my phone bleeps with a text and my head instantly fills with a roll call of possibilities.
Someone I know is dead.
Someone I know won the lottery.
I’m late for an appointment I’d forgotten about. Shit.
I was witness to a crime and now I need to give very specific, detailed evidence about something I can’t remember. Shit.
My doctor was looking back through her notes. (Why? Unclear.) And she found something. “I don’t want to worry you, but…”
Someone sent me flowers and my neighbor took them in.
A celebrity just tweeted something I need to see. Ooh. What?
But as I take out my phone, I see that it’s from Seth, the guy I had a date with last week. The one who said nothing, the whole evening. Nothing.
Most guys have the opposite problem. They drone on about themselves and their brilliant achievements and as you’re paying your half they ask as an afterthought, “What do you do again?” But Seth stared at me silently through his close-set eyes while I babbled nervously about the butternut squash soup.
What does he have to say? Does he want another date? Yikes. My stomach cringes at the very thought, which is a sign. One of my major rules of life is: You should listen to your body. Your body is wise. Your body knows.
It’s fine. I’ll let him down gently. I’m pretty good at letting people down.
Hello, Ava. After consideration I have decided our relationship is not something I can continue with.
Oh. Hmph. I see.
Whatever.
I eye-roll very deliberately toward the phone. Although I know he can’t see me, I have this very slight theory that you can somehow convey emotions through your phone.
(I haven’t shared this theory with anyone, because most people are quite narrow-minded, I find, even my best friends.)
You may have thought I was contacting you to ask for another date, in which case I’m sorry to have raised your hopes.
My hopes? My hopes? He should be so lucky.
You’ll want to know why.
What? No. I don’t, thanks very much.
I mean, I can guess.
No, scratch that. I can’t.
Why should I have to guess, anyway? Who wants to guess why someone doesn’t want to date them? It sounds like some awful TV game show called Is It My Bad Breath?
(It’s not my bad breath. Whatever it is, it’s not that.)
I’m afraid I cannot date anyone who thinks butternut squash soup has a soul.
What?
I stare at the phone, incensed. He has totally misrepresented me. I did not say butternut squash soup has a soul. I simply said I thought we should be open-minded about the way the physical and spiritual interlink. Which I do. We should.
As if he can read my mind, Harold gives a sympathetic whine and rubs his nose against my leg. You see? If that doesn’t prove the world is interconnected, then what does?
I want to text back, Sorry not to be closed-minded enough for your limited outlook on life. But that would indicate that I’ve read his texts, which I haven’t.
Well, OK, I have, but the point is, I’m deleting them from my mind. All gone. Seth who? Date? What?
Exactly.
I ring the doorbell, then let myself in with the key Nell’s given me. It’s what we all do, in case Nell’s having an episode. It’s been awhile, but they can flare up viciously out of nowhere.
“Nell?” I call.
“Hi!” She appears in the hall, grinning widely, her hair pink and spiky.
“You’ve gone back to pink!” I exclaim. “Nice.”
Nell’s hair color has changed about 106 times over the years that I’ve known her, whereas mine hasn’t changed once. It’s still the same dark auburn, straight down to my shoulders, easy to swish into a ponytail.
Not that hair is really on my mind right now. I was distracted momentarily by Seth’s texts—but now that I’m inside the house, my throat is starting to tighten. My stomach feels heavy. I glance down at Harold and he turns his head inquiringly toward me in that adorable way he has, whereupon my eyes start to prickle. Oh God. Can I really do this?
Nell squats down and holds out her hands to Harold. “Ready for your holiday?”
Harold surveys her for a moment, then turns back to me, his liquid brown gaze fixing mine piteously.
If anyone thinks dogs can’t understand everything we say and do, then they’re wrong, because Harold knows. He’s trying to be brave, but he’s finding this as hard as I