Love to Tempt You (Wild to Love #4) - J. Saman Page 0,1
heaving in rhythm with the pounding of my heart. Cold sweat covers my body and I shudder, sitting up and blinking as I frantically look around.
Home. I’m home in my bed.
Fuck! I haven’t had a nightmare in months.
Startling me out of my dark thoughts, my phone rings on my nightstand, and I realize that’s what interrupted my dream. I’m grateful for it until it dawns on me that it’s only a little after two in the morning and this is the second time they’ve called in as many minutes.
Scrambling quickly across my bed, I grasp my phone, swiping to accept the call when I see it’s Gus. “Hey,” I answer immediately. “What’s wrong?”
Because Gus never calls in the middle of the night. Not like this anyway.
“She’s in labor,” he announces, and I sag against my headboard in relief at the jubilation in his voice. I rub a hand up and down my face, trying to wipe away the residual heartache and panic of my dream. “Fucking Viola is in labor. Jasper just called. They’re headed to the hospital.”
I grew up with these boys. My bandmates. My brothers from other mothers.
And because of that, part of me is tempted to tell him about the dream I was just having. Always the same dream. Every damn time I dream about her. No matter what.
Only tonight I never made it into the bathroom.
I mentally shake my head. I don’t think telling him would accomplish anything other than making him worry about me. Not to mention, this is clearly not the time for that.
“That’s amazing. Wow. Another baby.” I sit up a little straighter, the residue of devastation slipping away as I think about the new life that will be born tonight. A life that I already love because it belongs to Jasper and Viola and they belong to me.
He chuckles into the phone. “Did I wake you out of a dead sleep? You sound out of it.”
I wince at the description he just used and ask, “Where are you?” instead of answering him because it sounds like he’s in the car.
“On my way to the hospital, dude. Naomi went over to Jasper’s to stay with Adalyn, so Jasper and Vi didn’t have to wake her and drag her along.”
Good. That’s good. I can’t imagine how jarring all of this will be for four-year-old Adalyn, autism or not. Her getting a good night’s sleep and then meeting her new baby brother or sister is the way to go.
“I think it’s a boy,” I tell him.
“I’m still going with another girl and if I win, you owe me a grand and so does Henry.”
Speaking of… “Did you call Henry yet?”
Gus snorts into the phone. “He’s my next call. Come on. Get out of bed and come meet our new niece or nephew.”
Gus disconnects the call and I climb out of bed, ambling into the bathroom as I force myself to shut my thoughts off. To focus on the new baby being born into our lives. I turn the shower on to hot and the tap on the sink to cold. I splash some water on my face and find my haunted eyes in the mirror.
Guilt swarms through my chest like a hive of angry bees. Will this feeling ever go away? Will the nightmares ever stop? Will I ever be whole again?
Gus has Naomi. Jasper has Viola and Adalyn and now his new baby.
Henry is happy living his bachelor existence having sworn off love.
And I have none of that.
Worse yet, I don’t see how I ever will. Not when I’ve already lost everything.
1
Maia
Seven months later
* * *
In my mind, fantasies are tangible. I’m not living across the country from where I grew up, dealing with rich assholes who like to grope me while sipping their twenty-dollar martinis. I have enough money to pay off all the debt my father accrued in my name after my mother died and still make it through college without choking on life at the end of it.
But in reality, fantasies are the cruelest form of mockery.
“Maia, get your ass moving,” my boss barks though his eyes are aimed directly on my tits as I leave the kitchen, a large tray filled with food and drinks that cost more than I make in a week poised effortlessly in my hands. If I wasn’t going to get fired and lose what little I have left in my life, I’d kick him in the nuts.