Lizzy Goes Brains Over Braun - Jasinda Wilder Page 0,3

“I can’t be out of commission.”

“You’re under contract. You have no showings. Laurel got her offers in, so she’s pending as well. Yes, we turned off the lights, yes, we locked the door.” This was Autumn, on my left. “Just cut loose a little, Lizzy. We have a lot of fun planned.”

“Are there strippers? There better not be strippers. The last male stripper you hired tried to get me to pay him to blow him.”

“No, no strippers. We learned that lesson.” Zoe answered for the group on that one. “Also, I got an up close and personal look at what he was packing under that G-string, and let me tell you, I can see why he would charge for the honor. It was, like, whoa.”

I took a tentative sip of the tequila—Patron, baby. Another, heftier swig. “Chaser, chaser, ohmygod, wow.” Somebody put a cold, sweating can into my hand, and I fumbled at the rim, checking to make sure it was open, and then took a long swig—light beer. “Are you trying to kill me? Tequila chased with beer on an empty stomach?”

“We’re eating soon,” Autumn said, and then paused, I heard her swallow, hiss.

“Also, Zoe, how exactly did you manage to see the stripper’s pee-pee?” I asked. “Did you pay him for it?”

She didn’t answer immediately. “I, um. No. Maybe.”

“You did! You paid him to suck him off!” I was shrieking already. Drunk Lizzy is loud—Tequila drunk Lizzy is deafening. And I’d barely had any.

“I did not!” Zoe shrieked back. “I paid him to get it hard and show me what it looked like. I didn’t touch him.”

“Zoe, that’s mean.” Teddy, laughing. “You got him hard and then left him that way? Have you no mercy?”

“Not when it was going to cost me twenty-five dollars, and besides, who knows if he was clean or how many diseases he had. No way. A random dude at a bar, maybe. A stripper slash prostitute? No way. I was just curious.”

“He was big?” I asked, remembering how well the guy in question had filled out the tiny little red G-string.

Zoe snickered. “Um, yeah. Huge. Biggest dick I’ve ever seen in real life.” She lowered her voice. “I honestly don’t know if I would have slept with him, if he was a guy I’d just randomly hooked up with. There is such a thing as too big. He’d have ripped me in half from stem to stern. And there was no way I could have gotten my jaw around that monster. No way.”

“Bullshit!” I heard Teddy say. “I don’t think dicks that big exist.”

“I actually have a pic of it,” Zoe said, sounding embarrassed. “I paid five dollars extra for him to let me take a picture. For, umm, research purposes.”

“And by research you mean diddling your bean?” Kat asked.

“No!” Zoe shrieked, at a glass-shattering pitch and volume.

“Admit it!” Autumn said. “You use it to jill off. You know it, I know it, we all know it.”

“More to the point, show us the photo!” This was Teddy again.

“No! It’s private,” Zoe said, sounding prim. “He made me promise I wouldn’t spread it around.”

“Zoe, shut the hell up and show us the photo. You’re not posting it on the internet, you dumb bitch, you’re showing your sister and best friends.” This was Autumn.

“Fine!” Zoe sighed.

I ripped off the blindfold and saw my girls around me, the seats black leather, the Pacific on our right which meant we were heading south. Everyone was gathered around Zoe, who was searching through her photo library.

“Ha, here it is.” She tapped the thumbnail and we all clustered closer.

“Ho-lee sheeeeyit,” Kat drawled. “You weren’t kidding, girl.”

She certainly had not been exaggerating. The photo showed a chest, groin area, cutting off at the knees. The dick in question was colossal. Truly, insanely colossal.

“How is that real?” I asked, dumbfounded. “And how the hell is it supposed to fit inside a normal female vagina?”

“Right?” Zoe was giggling. “In person, it’s even bigger. The photo doesn’t do it justice. It would have taken both hands to get all the way around it. It would be like giving a handjob to a salami, like the big ones you see hanging from the ceiling at a butcher’s.”

“I wonder if he’s done porn,” Kat asked. “That’s what I would have asked.”

“I did ask,” Zoe said, giggling even more breathlessly. “He said he’s trying to get into it, which is why he’s in LA in the first place. Apparently just having a six-pack and a monster