Kamari's (Takoda Outreach Center #3) - Sammi Cee Page 0,1

told me to man up and forget about Jasper. So I’d forced down the tears. And every day after, I’d held in the pain from being stuck in this house with my dad by myself without the only two people in the world who had ever shown me genuine love. But that night, writing to Mom, I felt like I got a piece of me back. After that, fighting the urge to bleed out the pain lessened, and it felt more like my mom was still here with me in some small way. Maybe that was dumb, but whatever, it helped me get through the day. Anytime life got to be too much, I’d written to my mom. Anytime something exciting happened, I’d told her. Keeping her in the loop calmed the chaos that dad invoked in my mind.

Lying across my bed on my stomach, I opened the notebook to the next blank page.

Dear Mom,

We missed you tonight. Jasper graduated! Can you believe it? You would’ve been so proud watching him cross the stage. And don’t worry, Kamari’s parents and I screamed and cheered for him. I’m so glad Jasper has Kamari and his family. They treat Jasper like he’s one of them. Dad bitches about him living with those black people, but what did he expect? He kicked him out. I stopped reminding Dad that you loved Kamari because there’s no point. And Kamari’s been the best friend Jasper could have. He’s cool to me, too, even though I’m the little brother.

Anyway, I know Jasper wished you were there, but we both knew you were watching over him. I’m surprised Dad even took me, and I know he was only trying to keep up appearances, but whatever. At least I got to go. Jasper and I took a picture together, too. Kamari’s mom took it for us. Dad made me leave right after because Jasper wouldn’t take a picture with him. And he was mad because Kamari’s dad told Dad to leave. They offered to let me go with them for after-graduation stuff, but of course, Dad said no.

Mom, why is he such a dick? I really do hate him. I know you always told me that he was my dad and I needed to try to forgive him, but it’s so hard. He’s been so much worse since you died. I’m sure you get sick of me whining about him to you, but I don’t have anyone else to tell, not really. I can’t talk to Jasper about how bad it is without him here because he’ll just get upset, and what can he really do? He’s got to look out for himself. Kamari and his parents are moving this summer. I told you that, right? Saul, you remember Saul, right mom? Jasper’s boss at the pizza place. He’s going to let Jasper live with him, but it’s not fair. He should be on his way to college or whatever else he wants to do. He would be if you were still alive. He still hasn’t even learned to drive, Mom. When I try to bring it up, he gets mad and says it doesn’t matter since he can’t buy a car anyway.

Ugh. Why is life so hard? And I’m so worried I’ll never see Jasper now. Kamari’s mom used to bring him to see me, or Kamari would sometimes if he wasn’t busy. They’d come right to the school so we could see each other for a few minutes, so what’s going to happen now? I’m not old enough to drive. I really hate this. I’m scared, Mom. I can’t lose Jasper, too. I hate Dad so much. I wish it had been him who died, not you. You loved me and Jasper both. Dad only loves himself.

Thanks for listening, Mom. I’m sorry I’m such a drag. I don’t want to bring you down, but I needed to talk to you tonight. You’re the only person I can say all these things to. I love you so much, and I miss you every day so bad it hurts. It really hurts.

I’ll write again soon when I’m not such a buzz-kill. Maybe I’ll do something fun this summer that I can tell you about. Milo and I have some pretty cool plans. You know, now that I say it, I bet Mrs. Mitchell will help me to see Jasper sometimes. I’m going to ask her. I wouldn’t ask anyone else, but she’s always checking on me and stuff.