Just a Positive Pregnancy Test - London Casey Page 0,1
to the riverbank.
We sat down and put the lid on the coffee can of worms.
“You know why I like it out here?” he asked.
“No, why?”
“Look at this. What a world we live in. What mystery this all is. These trees. The ground. The sky. The river. It’s overwhelming to think that this wasn’t here at one point in time. Now it is. And maybe someday it won’t be again. This is a reminder of who we are and what we are, Mila.”
“Dad?”
We looked at each other. “Yes, your mother and I lost a baby. Lily. I think about her every day. But then I look at you. I got you. I got your pain in the ass brothers. I am the luckiest man in the world. Now, why did that happen to us? Why did your mother and I have to feel such pain like that? Maybe it just shows us how strong the love is for the three kids we have. Maybe Lily needed to be up there” - Dad pointed to the sky - “to watch over your moron brothers.”
“I feel bad for her then,” I said.
Dad laughed and put an arm around me. “I’m sorry this is bothering you, Mila. You should have said something sooner. You know we’ll never hide anything from you. Even if we don’t have the answers you want.”
“Were you sad?”
“Very.”
“Were you angry?”
“All the time.”
“How did you not get sad or angry anymore?”
“Your mother,” Dad said. “I never met someone so strong in my entire life. I told myself I could spend the rest of my life being sad and angry, which would get me nowhere. Or I could grieve then remember and appreciate what I have in life.”
“It would have been nice to have another girl around.”
“I bet,” Dad said. “You may not have a sister, but… you’ve got me. Far from the same thing, but I’m well aware of how dumb your brothers can be. And I’ve got your back.”
“You really think we can put worms in each bed?” I asked.
Dad grabbed the coffee can and smiled. “Looks like we have new plans today, Mila.”
SILAS
(YEARS AND YEARS AGO)
The night was dictated by the sound of the front door.
If it slammed, we were screwed.
If it closed, we were okay.
I had been dozing off because I spent the night before out way too late, walking the streets, avoiding cops and avoiding coming home.
My eyes slowly started to shut when I heard the thundering boom of the front door.
It hit so hard, I jumped out of the bed and landed on the floor.
He screamed from down in the kitchen about the thud on the floor.
“Shit,” I whispered.
I listened carefully and heard the cabinets opening and slamming shut.
Then came the sound of glass breaking.
Fuck, it’s a bad one.
I was on my hands and knees on the floor.
Any movement was like a call for attention.
I turned my head and nodded at my window.
It was my only chance of escaping.
I crawled across the floor and found my shoes.
Underneath me, he walked from the kitchen to the dining room.
He screamed about something to do with the bills and over went the dining room table. The house shook for a second. I gritted my teeth and felt anger bubbling inside me.
There was no way he could blame me for the bills this time.
I didn’t have a single thing turned on in my room.
It was hot out too.
My room smelled from the heat and humidity. It smelled dusty with a touch of mold. Sweat collected everywhere on my body. No use in showering either because he’d just complain about the water bill. I had a window air conditioner but it was on the bedroom floor. He took it out of the window and literally cut the cord on it. Part of me wished he would have done it with the air conditioner plugged in.
I heard more banging and yelling downstairs as I stood up and grabbed my book bag and guitar case.
Two steps toward the window and my bedroom door opened.
My mother stood there, strands of hair stuck to her face from sweating so much.
Just do it, Mom. Get us in the car and get us to a hotel. Or even a dump of a motel. They’ll have air conditioning. We can figure it out. I’ll get a job anywhere, doing anything. We can make it work…
“Dinner will be ready soon,” she said as the destruction continued downstairs.