John & Mattie Texas Kings MC, Book 8 - Cee Bowerman Page 0,1
likely have at least one, but possibly more peptic ulcers. That’s a tear or infection in your stomach lining that can be exacerbated by stress and a poor diet.”
I blinked at the doctor waiting for him to continue with something I hadn’t already suspected myself.
“Your blood pressure was at such an elevated level that the paramedics brought you in with a preliminary diagnosis of stroke risk, Ms. Roland. Do you have a history of high blood pressure?”
“I don’t think so.”
“When was the last time you had a routine physical?”
I looked up toward the ceiling as I thought back to my last doctor’s visit.
“I saw my gynecologist and had birth control inserted in my arm.” I kept thinking and couldn’t come up with a time frame on when I had that procedure. “It was at least four years ago, I think. Maybe even five.”
“And you haven’t seen a doctor since then?” the ER doc asked and I could see his confusion. “You haven’t been sick at all in four or five years?”
I took a deep breath and wondered just how much information I should give this man, wondering if it would have any bearing on his diagnosis to know what I had done in the past.
“I have been sick a few times, but I just haven’t had a chance to go to the doctor. I happen to have some extra antibiotics left over from another time, so I take them when I feel something coming on. It’s not a big deal.”
The doctor slowly shook his head and reached up to scratch the back of his neck.
“I know. I know. It’s not good to do that, but I didn’t have the time to make an appointment or sit in a waiting room.” I shrugged and then put my hand on my stomach, the semi-permanent position I rested my hand in almost all the time now. I cringed at the realization. “What time is it? I need to head back to work. I have meetings to prepare for.”
“Do you understand what chronic stress does to a body, Ms. Roland?”
“Once I get this promotion, I won’t be as stressed. I just need to work a little harder, get into the position I’m aiming for, and then I’ll be home free.”
“And then you’ll be less stressed?” the doctor asked me with his eyebrows raised. “Because there’s nobody in that building that will be gunning for the job you’ve been vying for?”
I tilted my head, realizing that he was right. This wasn’t going to go away and it wasn’t ever going to get any better by ignoring it.
“I’m not a therapist, Ms. Roland, and you can take or leave my advice, but I feel like you should take a long look at your life and the path you’re on. Pick your head up and look around you to make sure that the place you’re trying to get is worth your life because, honestly, it’s going to kill you if you keep going at this pace.”
“I’ll listen to your advice, doctor, and think about what you’ve said. It’s close to what I’ve been thinking myself. I want to have kids and a house with a big backyard. I want a dog and a cat - maybe even two dogs and a cat. I want to sleep in on Sunday mornings and make pancakes with whipped cream smiley faces. I want to sneak off with my husband and have a quickie while the kids are taking a nap. I want to quit wearing these fucking shoes that kill my feet every day. I just want. That’s it. I want. Something.” I realized there were tears streaming down my face and I reached up to wipe them away as I took a deep breath. “And it’s not what I’ve got right now. That’s not what I want anymore, if I ever really did.”
I poured my feelings out to this man. This stranger. More so than I had to anyone since I moved from Texas to New Orleans. I had quite a few friends around me that I talked to often although they were realistically not more than acquaintances. Autumn was my best friend here in town and like a sister to me, someone I confided in, but the things I was blurting out to this doctor weren’t even things I realized were there. They were things I had wanted in what seemed like another life.
Another life that I used to imagine had my husband at the center of it.