Imp And The Beast - Stephanie Hudson Page 0,1

who the culprit was. But then, that’s when my buddy, pal and spawn of my best friend’s loins comes in handy, as I seem to be able to get away with a lot more stuff if I have my small companion with me.

Of course, she was as cute as a button… although, why anyone ever called buttons cute, is beyond even my brand of crazy… but she was my little buddy, who became my excuse for, well… pretty much everything I did, as I never failed to entertain her.

But I am getting way ahead of myself, because you could be reading this and be like… wait, what… I have no kumquat of an idea what this green and blue haired chick’s on about.

Well, let me give you the low down on this high jacked up story narrative.

My name’s Winifred Pipper Ambrogetti… I know, I know, mouthful, right, plus Winifred… what Momma tree was even thinking with that one, I will never know. Jeepers, even Pocahontas’ parents could have come up with something better for this mad chica! Now though, Pip suits me just fine and it’s what most people call me. As for what I look like, well nobody wants to read half of a bloody story without knowing what the main characters looks like now, do they…? Nope, that shit pisses me off, because I think in my head, yeah, they look bitchin’ hot with hot pink hair and then boom! They got brown… nope, that shit don’t fly with this narrator.

So, quick rundown, my hair’s green with blue tips, and thank the breezy for hair dye was all I can say, ‘cause that henna crap was not fun. Plus, it smelled like rotting cabbage! You could say that there was a reason one of the worst jobs in history was done by the dudes that dyed shit purple, and why purple was a royal colour… because it was expensive for a reason. Created from the desiccated glands of sea snails, those poor buggers were smashed open and dried out in the sun before being boiled and left fermenting for ten days before even a single small swatch of fabric could be turned purple. Those snails became more expensive than gold, and what made this one of the worst jobs ever, was you were basically committing yourself to becoming the smelliest person in the town, and that shit stank worse than shit itself!

But again, this feels like another squirrel moment, so moving on once more…

My big eyes are green with a ring of blue, hence the matching hair, which so far, I hadn’t gotten bored of. Now, if you were to ask me what my natural colour was, then the answer to that secret would be red. I know, shocker right. As for my features and shit, well I was classed as cute. I’m talking seriously cute here, not beautiful, even if Adam told me I was… and daily.

But, thanks to my dimples, I think the word was more childlike and due to my non-existent height, then I was often mistaken for one, which is eww when you’re kissing your hubby. But then I didn’t exactly help matters wearing kid’s clothes, which were so much cooler than those stuffy adult fashions that basically covered what I classed as way too much skin.

But then, I never cared much for what people thought of me, so I basically wore whatever the hell’s bells I wanted. Which was also why I was tattooed and had multiple piercings, including, lip, nose, tongue, a bunch in my ears, belly button and well, an even more fun place that Adam adored as it had his name written there in the tiniest of letters around a ring of gold. It was even more fun whenever he tugged at it with his teeth and growled at me.

But then this wasn’t the only place I liked to display my devotion to my husband, as I also had his name tattooed over my knuckles surrounded by hearts and flowers. Something I had surprised him with one anniversary. Now, like I said, I suffered a bit in the height department, which may or may not be classed as a disadvantage but hey, that’s what heels were invented for, right? I mean men wore heels for years to make them look taller because, well, back then six foot was classed as giant tall. But like I said, I don’t need to go into any details on just how short my ass