of their pursuit thrummed through her. It wasn’t only the visions. She felt hunted and had almost since she’d left Scali Thent.
“Are you still afraid of them?” Avan’s hand clasped her arm and pulled her to the side of the street.
She stared at his green shirt for a moment before lifting her eyes to his. He wouldn’t have tried to stop her physically even days earlier. Her calm reaction to it surprised her a little. After the beating by Laed and Kynar, she hadn’t wanted to let anyone close, but slowly that was changing.
“Laed and Kynar? No.” She frowned, but not only over the question. She wasn’t so sure the change was a good one. Being aware kept her safe.
They were a threat to anyone weaker, but this time they faced men who knew real magic. She’d feared Laed and Kynar when she was under their power. After they’d beaten her, even the fear changed. She didn’t want to die, but she wanted to hurt them. She didn’t know what she’d feel when they found her again.
“No, Colm and Linc, the Ardin.” Avan glared at her as if she should have realized that was who he was talking about without clarification.
“If I thought I had reason to be scared of them, I wouldn’t be here. I’m cautious of them. They’re big and they have power. Men with power like wielding it and that’s not always the best thing for people near them. And I didn’t know you’d decided that your place was with them, because they’re definitely not my Ardin. I doubt I’ll ever stay under the rule of Ardin again. This is temporary and will only last until we manage to stop Laed and Kynar.” She slid a glance at him. She didn’t know how he could so easily follow their orders. He’d seen what had happened in the Thent, even if he hadn’t felt the worst of it.
“They won’t turn on you as Laed and Kynar did. You’re safe.” Avan’s voice remained low as he began guiding her down the street again.
“They won’t because I’m not giving them the chance. After everything, I can’t do Thent life on the long term. Just being around the people with us is enough to make me want to find somewhere I can be alone. And that’s not even taking into account the fact that I won’t ever be able to trust Ardin as most expect their people to do.” She stared at the people walking toward them. Cities and towns weren’t her favorite places either. Too many people and buildings crowding around her.
She’d spent too much time alone before she found them. Not that she regretted it. The time moving through forests and running in her animal form helped ground her when so much else was spinning out of control.
“That’s how you feel now, but when you’ve had some time to see that these men aren’t power-hungry and vicious, you’ll see that you can live with others. You have to give it a chance. You’ve been alone since you ran from those two. It’s going to take a little time for you to adjust to being near people again.” Avan smiled and patted her shoulder.
She glared at him and stepped away from what she knew was supposed to be a comforting gesture. “Do you seriously think that this is the first time that I’ve seen and experienced the betrayal of someone who was supposed to know and do what was best for everyone? It happened before, not as severely, but still essentially the same. People in power lose sight of the fact that others matter. I won’t put myself in that position again.”
“Those men, the false Ardin and the other, that’s not the way most men with power act. They’re extreme examples of how not to act.” Avan’s voice rose and he stopped, but hurried to catch up when she didn’t stop.
“Look, I don’t know why you’ve given them all your trust, but that’s you. I’ve got permanent scars as proof that those with power can’t be trusted.” She knew he couldn’t understand her problem. She couldn’t see how he gave them his loyalty and complete confidence so easily. “You’re not going be able to persuade me that I can count on them for anything more than help catching Laed and Kynar.”
“All right, we’ll talk about this some other time. Maybe after you’ve had a chance to learn more about them.” Avan’s hand lifted in a gesture of acceptance.