There are some people who end up in desperate circumstances because they are innocent victims of fate. And there are those who have brought the desperate circumstances upon themselves through rash risk-taking and a flagrant disregard for the rules.
I am of the latter category.
At this current moment in time there are exactly two dollars in my bank account and one piece of beef jerky on my shelf in the pantry. Which is why I reach for the box of spaghetti on my brother’s shelf instead and shake it like a maraca.
“What are the chances that you’d let me have some if I cook dinner for you?”
Jason rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling. “Fine.”
I go hunting for a pot and switch the faucet to hot.
“You’ve run out of money again,” he says.
I shrug. “Money is just a bunch of numbers, and you know I never liked math.”
Which is too bad, really. Running a YouTube channel requires a lot more math and general business know-how than I expected, even though my channel is about make-up.
“Kade, this is bad. You know that my manager isn’t giving me a lot of shifts right now. You have to take care of your part of the rent or we can’t live together anymore. You’re twenty-two years old.”
I know he’s right, but I’m not any good at being a bag boy or cashier or any of the things I’m actually qualified to do. Makeup is pretty much the only thing I’m decent at.
Well, makeup and spending money. But that definitely isn’t helping.
I strongly consider telling him about my bad plan. And when I say bad plan, I mean the plan I have every intention of enacting, even though I know it’s one of the worst ideas I’ve ever had.
“There’s this website…” I begin. But Jason, who has witnessed my bad ideas in action one too many times, rolls his eyes.
“What website, Kade? Is some prince from Nigeria offering you money?”
I scoff. “No. I am almost never taken in by internet scams.”
There is a reason why I have to say “almost.” In my defense, I don’t think cute clothes on Wish should count.
I pull out my phone, which has a cracked screen and a battery that lasts about an hour at this point, and turn it on. It only takes me a second to navigate to the website where oil companies recruit for staff on the North Slope. There are plenty of jobs for penguin shifters listed, like dishwasher or HVAC repairman. But those aren’t the jobs I’m interested in.
Instead, I click on the link for companions. Because all of the polar bear shifter riggers on the Slope have been sentenced to work there for the rest of their lives, the oil companies offer them certain perks like companions if they work hard. All of the open contracts for companions are listed on their employment site, and sorted according to salary, with the highest-paying contracts on the top.
I give my phone to Jason who scans it carefully. Normally, he teases me for my crazy ideas, but this time he just shuts off my phone and hands it back. “No.”
“But wouldn’t it be perfect? Free room and board, and all of the time in the world to work on my YouTube channel. They even have great Wi-Fi—”
“Those companions don’t get paid to sit around, Kade. That’s sex work. With a rager, no less. It’s dangerous.”
I hoped he would say that, because I have an excellent counter to that argument. I turn on my phone again, and click on the first ad: Companion wanted for an old and ornery card player.
It’s an unusual title. Most of the ads say something like, “Attractive and energetic omega wanted. Photo required for consideration.” While the contracts aren’t technically for sex work, Jason’s right. It’s definitely an unspoken expectation.
I scroll down to the description and hand my phone back to Jason.
All I want is a clever person to play cards with at night. No funny business. You sleep in your bed, and I’ll sleep in mine. Must be clean, quiet, sober, and willing to go to bed at a reasonable hour. A preference will be given to applicants who can play cribbage and gin rummy.
The pay is $2,000 per month, including room and food. Most contracts don’t include food, so that’s nice. The interesting thing is that the card player in question, a Mr. Otis Snow, has never had a companion before. If he had, the first names of his previous companions and their corresponding