reel backward, as if she struck me. “What?” Dread fills my entire body, my heart racing faster than the moment I see a checkered flag through my windshield.
She follows suit, her hands reaching out for my arm. “Please, listen to me, Mack. I mean really listen to me. You’re an amazing driver. I knew this day would come, and I’m so happy it finally has. No one works harder on or off the track than you do.” She takes a deep breath, her eyes cast downward. “But I don’t want that life. Not anymore. I traveled from the time I was four to seventeen. I hated it,” she whispers, the tears now falling freely from her eyes.
I know she hated it. After her mom passed away suddenly from a brain aneurism before she was even in kindergarten, her life had been on the road. She moved from place to place, track to track. She was homeschooled for much of her early education before she was finally enrolled in a middle school in Virginia. From there, she went with whatever team hired her father. It wasn’t until her junior year before Jim Stanley finally realized how miserable his daughter was and planted roots. He bought this old, closed-down track and brought it back to life. By doing so, his only child did the same, thriving in school and extracurriculars.
Now, I’m asking her to do the same. To uproot her life and move with me.
Only, she’s telling me no.
“I can’t go, Mack. My life is here.”
“But…” I start to argue, but my mind is reeling. I have no idea what to say. “We don’t have to stay there permanently. We can come back here in the offseason and between races.”
Her smile is so fucking sad. “You need to stay where your team is, Mack. You and I both know you’ll be working with them nonstop. At least for a while, until you get the hang of open wheels.”
It’s suddenly hard to breathe. I run my hands through my hair and just stare at the only girl I’ve ever loved. The one ready to walk away.
“I won’t go,” I find myself saying, and I know it’s true. I won’t go without her.
She’s already adamantly shaking her head. “No, Mack. You have to go! This is your chance!”
“But,” I swallow over the massive lump in my throat, “I don’t want to go without you.” My words are small and dripping with grief.
“I know,” she says, coming over and wrapping her arms around my chest. She places her cheek against the place where my heart pounds, her tears quickly soaking into my shirt. “But you have to go. I love you too much to let you stay.”
“I love you too much to leave you behind,” I tell her.
She gives me a sad smile. “Maybe this is how our story was always supposed to end. You’re destined for bigger and better things, Mack. Something greater than the dirt tracks of Brenton Speedway. Please don’t stay here for me. Go. Chase your dream. This is your moment.”
I close my eyes and feel my heart shatter in my chest. The pain is almost unbearable, crippling even. All I can do is hold on to her. My Lena. The sassy young girl who stole my heart. The beautiful woman who has owned it ever since.
The unforgettable soul who’s destroying it.
I kiss her hard. My hands cup her cheeks, both tenderly and possessively, as my tongue tastes her one last time. I feel the wetness against my cheeks and revel in it, memorizing the way our pain feels against my skin. My own tears mix with hers.
Pain lodges in my chest as I pull back. I need to step back, but I’m terrified for this moment to end. For us to end.
I bring her hands to my mouth and kiss her knuckles, every single one. I hold her hands against my chest and just feel the hurt seeping from her pores and into mine. I know if I don’t go now, I’ll never leave. Though, it’s a solid idea, I know she’s right. This is what I’ve always worked for, why I bust my ass at the track to be the best fucking driver I can be.
This is my time.
Even though ours is over.
I pull away, letting go of her hand and severing our last connection. She’s crying harder now, and it takes every ounce of strength I have not to go to her, not to fix the damage I’ve