forgo this nicety if good head is on offer. So when I leave their beds failing to leave my telephone number on the empty fag packet or when I shoo them out of my flat with the empty promise that I’ll call, no one really minds that much.
Issie is a lab technician at a huge pharmaceutical company. Her white coat is quite fetching but I know Issie is still looking for something more than a quick game of doctors and nurses. I’m always telling her it will be a fruitless search and she wants to count herself lucky that we have each other to love.
‘Can I offer you a drink?’ I never say yes to this question without first checking out the origin, however busy the bar is. I look up and see Mr Tall, Dark and Handsome. On cue. He is presumptuously holding a bottle of Bollie and a fistful of glasses. I like presumption, extravagance and the recognition that my friends will want a drink too. He has sparkling green eyes and the floppy-haired look that was all the rage when I was nineteen. I resist telling him that since Brideshead Revisited, no man (other than Hugh Grant) has ever successfully pulled off this look. I resist because besides the height, eyes and cheekbones, I like his suit.
‘Fine.’ I grin.
He does the usual stuff: he asks me my name, and I tell him it’s Cas and he says, ‘Oh, what’s Cas short for?’ And I explain it’s short for Jocasta and I grin and add, ‘I was named after my father’s mother, very Oedipal.’ And sometimes they get this reference and sometimes they don’t but it doesn’t matter because either way they grin maniacally. Because usually by this time the men I talk to are well and truly in lust with me. They may not be interested in references to Greek plays but they are extremely interested in the possibility of steamy foreplay. They are checking out my full, pert tits or my long, brown, muscular legs, depending on whether they are breast or leg men. And, if their tastes are more sophisticated and long, black, glossy hair, or clear skin, or slim hips, or blue eyes, or straight white teeth turn them on, I can offer all these things too.
Believe me, I know I’m blessed.
I wear my hair long, because it drives men wild. They look at me and see a sexy bitch or a nineteenth-century heroine, whichever is their bag. Strictly speaking, I think my personality would suit a razor-sharp, chin-length bob, but I work in television and ‘give them what they want’ is my war cry.
I ask his name and try to commit it to memory. I ask what he does, and he does something or other. It doesn’t matter. His prospects only matter to women who want a future. I notice he has very large feet and this is exciting. In my experience (wide and varied) the old adage is true. I constantly touch him. Little light touches on his arm and shoulder. I even pick off an imaginary piece of lint from his breast pocket. It always amazes me that men fall for this clichéd crap but they always do. I run my tongue around my lips, my teeth and the olive in his Martini. He is not vulnerable. He knows this routine. He’s played it himself on countless occasions. He’s a little bit taken aback that it’s being played to him but my audacity excites. He tries to regain control of at least the conversation and asks what I do for a living. I tell him that I’m a TV producer for the new terrestrial channel, TV6, and this, if we were in any doubt, clinches it.
My glamorous job has huge pulling power. My job is glamorous, especially in comparison to most people’s jobs. It is an affectation of those who work in TV to continually deny that the job is fun or alluring. It’s a way of neutralizing our guilt at the hideously high salaries we earn. It is undoubtedly more glamorous to sell TV airtime than baked beans at a leading supermarket. It is unquestionably more exciting to spot Des O’Connor in the lifts than Dave Jones from accounts. However, TV is also bloody hard work. I’ve been in the business for twelve years now. I started as a gofer on Wake Up Britain straight after Uni. The pay was a pittance but I was thrilled. I had a job