The Game Changer The Final Score - By L.M. Trio Page 0,3

man I killed. I feel nothing except regret for everything that happened that dreadful day. Even though I apologized in court, I wanted them to know that I was remorseful for the outcome of that day. I am responsible for someone losing their life. I deserve this.

I wasn’t the wise guy they made me out to be; I had never hurt anyone physically in my life. I thought I was helping that girl; she was hurt. To this day, I replay it over and over in my head. Would I have done something different? I doubt it. Regardless, because of my actions, he died, and for that and many other things, I am regretful. This is where I belong.

I honestly admit to myself, though, that the night that haunts me the most is the last night at home. It’s the one I feel I deserve to be punished for more than any other because of the pain I caused JJ. I humiliated her. I betrayed her. I will never forget that last look in her eyes. I can barely stand to look at myself in the scratched, rectangular, clouded mirror that hangs before me. In it, I see a distorted image of someone that barely resembles me. I hate the person staring back.

I write JJ many letters, it’s one of the things I do to occupy myself. Each one, a guide to the emotional rollercoaster I have been on since the day I arrived. At first, I begged for her forgiveness. I need her forgiveness. I need her. Yet, I can’t bring myself to send any of these letters. I don’t deserve her forgiveness. I don’t deserve her. How could I ask for her forgiveness when I haven’t forgiven myself?

Early on, my dad mentions that David asked for a visit.

“Dad, I don’t know. I’m not sure I can face him. He trusted me and I betrayed that trust,” I answer.

“Luciano, I’m not going to tell you what to do, it’s you’re decision. Let me know if you change your mind. You two were close; why not hear what he has to say? Maybe it will ease some of the hurt you are feeling.”

“Maybe not,” I answer.

“Maybe not,” my dad agrees.

I know the look in my dad’s eyes. He doesn’t have to say any more. It is something I need to do. No, it is something I have to do. I owe David. He trusted me with JJ, and I betrayed him as well.

I don’t want to see him, though. I’m scared. I don’t need him to remind me how much I hurt his daughter. I live with it every day. However, if I can’t tell her how sorry I am, at least I can tell her father that I never meant for things to turn out this way. I finally agree to a visit.

I sit down in front of the smeared glass window, picking up the phone hanging on the wall while signaling to David to pick up the other end.

“Hey, Luke… How ya doin'?” David asks. I see compassion in David’s face when he looks at me. I wonder how he can feel anything for me other than hate.

“I’m okay… I’m good,” I lie, barely able to look at him.

“You don’t look so good; you’ve lost weight.”

“I miss your cookin’.” A forced smile falls from my face. Thankfully, David laughs at my attempt to ease the tension.

“Look, the reason I’m here…” He pauses. “I’m not here to talk about what happened between you and JJ… We are friends, right?” I nod in agreement. My heart tightens at the sound of her name. I finally look David in the eyes, clenching my jaw tight. He deserves my full attention. “You and my daughter meant a lot to each other. I can’t forget all of the good things you did for her. I know it ended bad, but…”

I could feel my eyes begin to well up and I hold up my hand to stop David from continuing. The last thing I want to do here, in this place, is cry. Crying shows weakness. You can’t dare to show weakness in this place. Nevertheless, I have to say what I need to say, I owe him this. David was always good to me. I ask him to give me a minute while I take a deep breath and try to compose myself.

“I never meant for things to end the way they did… I loved her… I hate myself for hurting her… but,