eyes are closed tight, but I still know the second he approaches me. When his hand lands on my shoulder, I flinch.
“Ashton, I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t,” I bark, still refusing to look up at him.
I don’t want him. I don’t need him.
I want her.
“I’ve signed your discharge papers. You’re free to go when you’re ready.”
I blow out a long breath.
So that’s it then, is it? After everything, I’m now supposed to walk out of here like everything’s fine. Like my life hasn’t just come to an end.
“Ash?”
Without so much as glancing at him, I climb from the bed. My legs shake as I try to stand strong. There might be nothing seriously wrong with me, but my head pounds like a motherfucker and I’m so dizzy it’s like the entire world is moving around me.
Reaching out, I steady myself with my hand on the foot of the bed. I regret appearing so weak the second he steps up in front of me.
“It’s okay, Ash,” he soothes, placing his hand on my upper arm to steady me.
“No,” I snap, pulling away from him. “You don’t get to do this now. You don’t suddenly get to care because you’re all I’ve got.”
“Ashton, you know that’s not true.”
“Do I?” I hiss, looking up into his eyes for the first time since he walked into this room. His eyes are so similar to the pair I see every time I look in a mirror. They’re just another reason why I hate him. He forced this life on us—on me.
It never should have been like this.
“Let’s get out of here. We can get some food and pack you some things. I’ve booked a hotel and got us on a flight back in the morning.”
“A hotel? A flight? I’m not leaving here.”
“Son,” he sighs. “You have to. You can’t stay here alone.”
“But... but this is my home.” I hate that I sound so vulnerable, but I have no idea which way is up right now, let alone how I’m supposed to deal with any of this.
She’s... she’s gone. And it’s all my fault.
That in itself is enough to swallow me whole, let alone the fact I’m now expected to walk out of here with him and start my life over.
“Lisa is getting your room ready.”
I pause as I lift one foot to shove in my boot and look up at him.
Does he really think it’s that easy? That I can just move into his new house, join his new family, and everything will be okay?
I just lost my fucking mother.
I shake my head, unable to say the things I want to say to him.
All of this is his fault. If he’d never betrayed us, if he’d never left us, if he’d never broken her heart, then none of this would have happened. We might still have been a happy family in a nice house in a decent part of town.
But no. The selfish prick had to turn his back on us and walk away for someone else, for another family.
Grabbing my jacket from the end of my bed, I throw it over my shoulder, wincing as every bit of my body aches after being thrown around like a ragdoll and march toward the door.
“Don’t touch me,” I seethe when his hand shoots out in an attempt to support me. “I don’t need you.”
He silently follows me out of the hospital, but I’m forced to stop when I get outside.
The cold hits me but I barely feel it.
My breath clouds around me and I’m reminded of sitting in the car with Mom not so long ago when everything was almost right in my world.
Now?
Now I’m walking out of a hospital and leaving her behind.
Emotion clogs my throat and tears burn my eyes.
She’s gone and it’s all because of me. All because I couldn’t keep my promise to her and stay out of trouble.
I look back at the building, wondering where she is and if she’s finally at peace.
“Ashton?” Dad asks, concern obvious in his tone. But it doesn’t reassure me, make me feel like I’m less alone. All it does is infuriate me. He’s not here because he wants to be, he’s here because he has to be. Because it’s his fatherly duty.
“You can leave now that you’ve signed me out.”
A bitter laugh bubbles up his throat.
“I don’t think so. I’ve already told you, you’re coming home with me.”
“And you seem to be forgetting that this is my home. I belong in Seattle; I live in Seattle.”