other one to look through binoculars. “But Bronco, Bambi, and I made more for ourselves. This town will never forgive us for digging our way out of the gutter.”
As a child, I pictured my grandmother as a bad person. When I got older, I realized she was just sick like my mom. People in Elko don’t treat mental illness as a medical condition. There’s no sympathy for the “wackos” or the “weirdos.” My grandmother spent her life descending deeper into psychosis. When she died, no one really cared.
I never wanted Barbie to be tossed aside like that. But people couldn’t deal with her. Not my father or my uncle or my aunt or the dozen-plus club men and their old ladies. People feel no pity for the noise in my mother’s head, and I’ve always hated them a little for that.
That was one reason I considered ditching Elko. I would never be anything more than Billy and Barbie’s boy here. Traveling the world, though, I could be anyone. I had a bag packed and often imagined myself taking a flight to somewhere thousands of miles away. I dreamed of sitting on the beaches of Thailand or exploring the woods in Japan or climbing the hills of Germany. The opportunities are endless for a guy with cash in hand. I was ready to leave Elko behind.
My travel plans ended as soon as my dad found himself outnumbered in a honky-tonk outside of Cleveland. Wheels was supposed to be visiting his estranged sister. Before returning home, he stopped at a bar for a few drinks with no reason for concern.
Back then, the Killing Joes Motorcycle Club was a shitty group of addicts and losers working out of Cleveland. One of them recognized my father as a member of the Executioners and called his buddies over to jump him. Wheels Jessup didn’t go down easy, fighting tooth and nail to stay alive. Unable to beat him in a fistfight, they filled him with bullets.
Elko shuddered under the weight of Dad’s death. Bronco seemed stunned that his long-time friend and brother-in-law was dead. Mom lost her mind. She became a caricature of those over-the-top women in movies who throw themselves onto the casket as it's lowered into the grave. Our community never truly recovered.
The initial randomness of my father’s death is probably what fucked up everyone. He didn’t die in a blaze of glory for the Executioners. Dad went down like a sucker in the parking lot of a shitty bar miles from home. Of course, we learned later how the Killing Joes wanted to control Elko. His death was related to the Executioners. He fought hard to survive. But, by then, this community’s psyche was forever changed.
The club’s founding members began worrying about what would happen when they died. Was this community strong enough to stand with only the younger members? Who would lead once Bronco couldn’t?
The man in charge has no sons to naturally step up. A majority of the Executioners are in their 50s and 60s, with Rooster approaching his seventieth birthday. The younger guys are viewed as spoiled, me included.
Except I sure as fuck don’t feel pampered. All my life, I’ve felt under pressure. I often woke up stressed as a kid. After all, my mother’s personality can be explosive, and my father ignored problems he didn’t want to confront.
Sometimes, Barbie would lose her shit and follow a seemingly indifferent Wheels around the house. Fleeing her paranoid rage, I’d sneak out of our place and hide out at my uncle’s home. Aunt Bambi’s house offered no sanctuary by then. Even as a kid, Wyatt viewed me as competition.
Comfort isn’t any easier to find as a grown man. My mom resents how I look like the man she lost. I’m a never-ending reminder of her broken heart.
My mother sees the past when she looks at me while my uncle views his replacement. No longer Nephew Conor, I’m the guy who’ll take his spot in the future. Every fucking move I make is reviewed and filed away in his head.
Which was why I wanted to bail Elko. Bronco might be president for several more decades. He’s in good shape. His main guys are ancient, but he can hire muscle to do the heavy lifting. No, my uncle was in no hurry to retire. If I bailed, I wouldn’t be letting down the family, our club, or this town.
I don’t owe them anything, either. I’ve worked harder than the other young guys, even