Freedom (The F-Word #5) - E. Davies Page 0,3

just treated like any other guy.

For the most part, he loved it. No barrage of well-meaning but wrongheaded questions about when he knew or why he had to do it. Nobody treating him differently or tiptoeing around him.

Henry deserved the same amount of privacy as anyone else. He wouldn’t dream of asking Trip if he was circumcised or their boss, Damien, what his embarrassing childhood nickname had been. Why should anyone else ask him that kind of stuff?

But there was the inconvenient fact that his transness had become some big secret without his really meaning it to. He didn’t exactly want it to be a secret. He just didn’t want people associating him with the person the world had once mistaken him for. That lie was dead and gone. This was his truth.

But try explaining that to a stranger on Grindr who just wanted to know if he was a top or a bottom, and how big his dick was. Anything outside that box? Too complicated for them. It was even scarier to contemplate losing Trip as a friend over it.

Maybe this date was all too much of a risk. But he was committed now. Too late to turn around.

“Shit, I dunno,” was Henry’s conclusion.

That made Trip laugh as he crossed his ankles and leaned back. “I think you’re running from something.”

“Ouch. Thanks, but I’ll skip the psychotherapy.” Henry mock-grimaced. He’d had quite enough of that for one lifetime.

Trip chuckled gently. “Yeah. But aren’t we all, really? Everyone’s running from something. Even our guests. What better place to hide than nature?”

“Now you sound like a stoner in the woods. This outing really got to you. Go home and sleep it off,” Henry teased Trip with a grin.

Trip raised his hands in defeat and stood up, wandering out of the room. “Message received. At least try to have fun, huh?”

He looked so dejected that Henry felt bad. He turned and half-hugged Trip before he could go. “Thanks, man. I will,” he promised. He was grateful for the push Trip had given him to get out there and date. “I just… doubt I’ll strike it lucky.”

“Why don’t you think you will?”

Henry made a face. For all he knew, he’d end up paired with some super-macho insecure guy he’d never in a million years come out to while alone in a cabin. Or a thirty-something professional in a suit with his life together and a string of gorgeous exes.

As a man who had been off the market for months, Henry was more than a little intimidated.

“I don’t even know if I’m his type,” he said instead. That was a lot simpler than explaining everything.

“Nobody ever knows that. But you gotta take the chance to find out,” Trip told him, the gloom fading into another smile. “And, objectively, you’re super hot. Even I can recognize that. You can’t argue, because I’m an unbiased judge.”

Henry cracked up and smacked Trip’s shoulder. “You’re just trying to get me to cover your vacation this year.”

“Maaaybe.” Trip winked and shouldered his jacket, grabbing his car keys. “Anyway, have all the fun and tell me about it later.”

Henry eyed Trip and shook his head. The rascal was just trying to make him blush. “Go on, get,” he shooed Trip, but he was grinning. “See you next week.”

Packing went a lot quicker without Trip harassing him, but his friend had gotten the wheels turning.

Was Henry running from something? If so, what? Vulnerability, the weight of his own expectations, or the very real possibilities of rejection and harm… those were all possibilities.

Dating wasn’t easy for anyone, but being a trans gay man seemed to add another layer of hoops to jump through. Henry got plenty of interest, which was good for his ego, but turning that into a date… that was where it all fell apart.

Henry had halfheartedly tried for the last year, which mostly consisted of late nights on Grindr when he was in the city between work trips, followed by deleting the app and sharing a bottle of wine with his angst.

Some guys seemingly hadn’t cared, but Henry had psyched himself out before they ever met. Others just went silent. A few had jumped straight into genital questions that made Henry want to curl up and never date again.

Adding “trans” to his profile ahead of time to screen out those jerks was no better. Even if he added “top” too, he still got messages from guys who wanted him to bottom because he was trans, or who even thought