in my house and visions of Addy’s pretty face came to mind. It was up and ready when I remembered the way she smiled at me when I first met her. I was beginning to think there was something physiologically wrong with me that the only way I could get an erection was when I thought about a woman who hated me.
“I’ll pass.”
“Seriously?” she whined.
“I’ve got plans,” I lied.
“Seems to me that your plan’s sitting here alone drinking,” she rightly retorted.
“Like I said, I’ve got plans.”
“Suit yourself.” The woman shrugged and walked off.
There was something seriously fucking wrong with me and I was beginning to think I’d hit my head harder than the doctors thought. That’s the thing about being in close proximity to a bomb when it detonates—it destroys everything in the blast radius. My buddy Luke was nearly blind in his left eye, less than perfect vision in his right. Both of our careers in the Navy, gone. I was left with scars, almost lost my leg, and with welted, puckered skin across my back. I suppose I got lucky and the burns could’ve disfigured my face. But mostly I was left with disapproval and disappointment. The pride I used to see on my father’s face had turned into censure. He didn’t bother to hide his disgust when he looked at me. My younger brother the same. What used to be a healthy sibling rivalry had turned into something ugly and bitter.
“Damn, brother, that’s what, the third one this week?” Matt said as he slid onto the stool next to me. “You’re losing your touch.”
I was losing something, all right, but it wasn’t my touch—it was my goddamned mind.
“What are you doing here?” I glanced over at my friend.
“Came in to check on you.”
“How the hell did you know I was here?”
“Went by your place, you weren’t there, knew you were here,” Matt informed me, then went on, “Now, what’s up with turning into Carter and going celibate all of a sudden?”
Carter Lenox was a teammate and close friend. He wasn’t actually celibate, we’d just never seen him with a woman while we served in the Navy together. It wasn’t until he left the teams we all found out he had a woman back home and he’d been in love with her since he was a kid. They were now married with a daughter.
I couldn’t begin to imagine what it would be like to love someone so completely, all other women faded into the background. Hell, for Carter they didn’t fade, they ceased to exist. I’d never even seen him eye one up, it was like his world revolved around Delaney. And the lucky son of a bitch had found a woman who returned that loyalty and love in spades.
“Exaggerate much?”
“Been out with you three times in the last seven days. Three times I’ve watched you send women on their way. Now, I admit, that’s not new, but thinking on it, I haven’t seen you take one home since we moved to Georgia.”
I internally winced at his statement. It had been a long time and maybe that was part of why I couldn’t stop thinking about Addy.
“Is there a reason you’re concerned about who I’m fucking?”
“Not fucking,” he corrected.
I drained the dregs of my beer and jerked my chin to the passing bartender.
“Another?”
“Jack and make it a double,” I returned.
“That’s telling,” Matt mumbled.
I clenched my jaw and wondered how in the hell my life had come to this. There had been a time when no one commented on my drinking habits, no one kept track of where I chose to stick my dick, and no one cared about either.
“Why are you here?”
“Told you, I wanted to check on you.”
“What—”
“You had PT today,” he told me something I very well knew. “Also know you’ve been ditching it more than you’ve been going and Addy’s losing her patience with you. The way I see it, one of these days shit’s gonna finally blow.”
He wasn’t wrong. I had been dodging PT. But more, I’d been avoiding Adalynn.
“Then it’s a good thing you no longer have to worry.”
“Why’s that?”
“She kicked me to the curb.”
“You’re full of shit.”
“No, I’m not. She told me I needed to find another therapist.”
The effort it took not to rub the ache in my chest was ridiculous. Part of why I was at the bar drowning my sorrows. I couldn’t get the hurt that had flashed in her eyes out of my mind. I couldn’t stop thinking about