False Start - Jessica Ruddick Page 0,1

know if my heart could handle Carson and Nicole hooking up. It was bad enough watching him with girls I didn’t know.

Evan drank the last swallow of his water. “On that note, I’m heading out.”

Nicole laughed. “We can talk about girls you want to play with if it makes you more comfortable. We’re equal opportunity.”

Evan balked. “I’m not uncomfortable. I’m just…” His mouth kept moving, but no words came out. “I got nothing. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

As soon as Evan left, Nicole put a hand on my arm. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to throw myself at Carson or anything.”

“I’m not worried.” All it would take was one word from me for Nicole to put Carson on her never-ever list, but not a soul knew about my feelings for him, and it was going to stay that way.

“With that expression, you’re either worried or constipated.”

My eyes widened, and my cheeks flushed. “Jesus, Nic.” I looked around to see if anyone had overheard her. Her lack of a filter was usually one of the things I liked about her, but at the moment, it had lost its appeal.

Laughing, she leaned forward on the table. “We’re seniors. Soon we’ll have to be responsible adults. Like real ones. Our window for random hookups is closing.”

“I don’t think we’re missing out on anything.” Plus, I didn’t believe there was a limited window for making mistakes. There were plenty of screwed-up adults who made questionable choices, not that that was something to aspire to.

Shrugging, Nicole looked longingly at Carson and his friends. “Maybe. Maybe not.” She patted my arm again. “But don’t worry. I would never hook up with Carson. I know that would be weird for you.”

“Thanks,” I mumbled. I could have told her it wouldn’t be weird for me, but that would’ve been a bold-faced lie. So I let her think it would be weird because he and I were old friends and not because I had my own eye on him.

“Come on.” Nicole drained the last of her drink and pushed it back on the table. “The boy nerds are gone. Let’s go mingle.”

Mingle? It was supposed to be a quiet night out to reconnect with our engineering friends whom we hadn’t seen all summer. Now all of a sudden, I was Nicole’s wing woman on her quest for a random hookup. Lord help me. I silently cursed my December birthday. I needed a drink.

I watched for a moment as Carson flashed a roguish grin at a girl who had sidled up to him. She was pretty and dressed appropriately for a night out, meaning her dress was tight and short, and her heels were high. In contrast, my outfit was geared more toward Sunday afternoon grocery shopping—shorts, a T-shirt, and sandals.

Carson was wearing the guy equivalent of my outfit, but it worked. Everything he wore worked because of his muscular physique. The bottom of his tattoo peeked out of the sleeve of his gray T-shirt, giving him a slight bad-boy appearance. Only slight, though, because that night, he was clean-shaven and had that all-American look nailed. But once he let his face get scruffy, he would leave all-American behind and claim badass status. He looked good no matter what persona he was trying to pull off, and the trouble was he knew it.

He must have felt me staring at him because he glanced my way. His face lit up, his grin meeting his green eyes. One look from him, and my carefully constructed wall turned to cellophane—I felt exposed, as if he saw my darkest secret.

But he’d never given any indication that he saw me as anything more than a pseudo-little sister. Our relationship was complicated. One minute, he was my best friend, and the next, he was irritating me so badly that I wanted to throttle him. For instance, he took his promise to my brother to watch out for me way too seriously and scared off any guy who dared to talk to me. That was a big reason why I’d never had a serious relationship. Well, that and the fact that no one could ever be Carson.

I gave him a little finger wave, and he jerked his chin up, still smiling. The girl who’d been trying to claim his attention followed his line of sight, and when her gaze landed on me, she shot me a dirty look. Her eyes gave me a once-over, and the dirty look dropped off her face as she dismissed me. Bitch.

“Becca, you