Dark Curse (Darkhaven Saga #5) - Danielle Rose Page 0,3

anger me, it hurts me. There is never an in-between. Either I am mad or sad, but regardless of my emotions, I am slowly drifting into madness.

I try not to agonize over Jasik’s fake death, but the fact that my unconscious self unwittingly sacrificed my sire has left heaviness in my soul. And it smothers me. I carry that presence with me, hoping I can veil my inner thoughts as well as I have been hiding the toll a life without magic has had on my mind and body.

Spring is a few short weeks away now, but it is hard to tell based on the color of our surroundings. The world is dusted in snow, but slowly, the morning sun melts everything.

One of the perks of living in Darkhaven is the change of seasons. Winter is cold and snowy. Spring is rainy and warm. Summer is hot and humid. Autumn is colorful and cool. It is no wonder my ancestors settled here. Darkhaven is absolutely an elemental witch’s dream. Everywhere I look, there is something nearby to use when invoking the elements. That is, if I still could.

There is a chill in the air—one that only I can feel. The vampires are immune to the hindrance of the elements, whereas I now wither in them. Everything is either too hot or too cold, too wet or too dry. I am never at peace—not with the icy air blowing over Darkhaven, not with the silent moon, not with the rays of sunshine I attempt to soak up with Holland, not with my decision to oust myself from the magical kingdom I was born into.

I did what I had to do, but is the cost too much to bear?

I tug on the hem of my sweater. I must do this often, mindlessly so, because threads are beginning to come loose where my fingers pick at the fabric. I gnaw on my lip, thinking about my wardrobe.

When I was a hybrid, I did not have to worry about exposure to the elements. Now, that is all I think about—and not just from the elements. My skin. I worry my secrets will not remain hidden for long.

When the weather warms, I will not be able to hide behind the many layers of clothing covering me now. I blame being bundled up all the time on the frosty air, and the vampires believe me, even when Holland lounges in a thin T-shirt. The vampires trust me, believing, after everything we have been through, I would not hide anything from them.

But I do.

Not out of fear or shame. I just…do. I cannot help it. Whenever I think about admitting the severity of my situation, something stops me. I do not know what it is, but it is always with me, waiting, lurking, watching as I succumb to the silence. I have never before felt as lonely as I feel now.

I do not tell Jasik or Holland how loud the darkness has become. I do not admit to my nightmares, even when I wake screaming and Jasik has to hold me close in order to steady my overworked heart. I do not tell him what happens in my dreams, even though I can see the fear in his eyes when he wakes me. He knows something is amiss. He knows my nightmares are becoming far too real for me. Still, I do not admit how close I am to the edge of the abyss, even when Jasik whispers into my ear that he will always keep me safe.

One night, when Jasik thought I was sleeping, he told me he would sacrifice his own life if that is what it took to keep me safe. I believed him. He has always been loyal and honorable in that way. Nightly, he risks death to protect the manor, so I have no doubt he will offer everything he has to save me, for I am his first. I am the only one he offered immortality to, and as I am sired to him, I did not have the courage to tell him it will come to that. Soon, the darkness in me will take control, and it will be him or me. I just hope he makes the right choice, for evil can wear the mask of a girl.

I stare at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I do not look the same anymore. My irises are a dirty dark brown, murky and cloudy in color. I am pale, my