really dull the pain? Or will it be the opposite? Will being here give me a sense of peace? They may be nothing but ashes and dust, but wherever they are, I can have faith they’re together. And maybe, just maybe, as their final resting place, it’s also a place where they can return, if only in spirit.
I’m completely unprepared when I’m finally standing before their tombstones. My breath catches and my eyes burn with tears that spill like buckets, hitting my cheeks, stinging and relentless. Tiny pinpricks of pain swiftly turn into javelin thrusts, running me dead on in the center of my heart. The intensity of the pain has my knees buckling, which transports me back to the day they were buried here. It was the worst day of my life—second only to when I discovered their bodies.
And Adrian had been watching me the whole time.
I shudder at the thought and force all memory of him from my mind. This is neither the time nor the place.
Still, I can’t help but wonder. Why me? Why them?
I kneel on the grass between their stones and fold my legs beneath me, tracing both of their names. Andrew and Olivia Latham. Loving Husband, Loving Father. Loving Wife, Loving Mother.
Yes, I firmly believe that my parents are together, somewhere out there, and just like that song from my favorite childhood movie about a lost mouse, one day, we’ll find each other again. Maybe not in this life, but in the next. Until then, I’m at peace knowing they’re not alone; and hopefully, wherever they are, they’ll know the same of me.
“I don’t know where to start,” I say, feeling a bit silly talking to the chilly air. My voice trembles, and tears still stream down my cheeks, cold and wet, but I push through the pain. “I miss you both. On the best days, it hurts to smile, only just a little, but on the worst days, it’s excruciating. Nearly unbearable. I have no idea how I’ve gotten through the past few years without you.”
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I know it’s a lie. I know exactly how I’ve coped.
First with Adrian, and then with Rafe. They’re how I’ve gotten through. And I realize, as much as I want to despise the memory of Adrian, I owe him a great deal. Because even if he had his ulterior motives, whatever they might have been, I genuinely believe deep down he cared for me. In whatever way he could. And even if I’m just fooling myself, if he didn’t have any emotional attachment to me, he at least gave me the illusion of it. The illusion that, in my darkest time, I was no longer alone was a blessing.
Or, at least, it had been for a while. Until it turned into a curse.
“So much has happened and I can’t even make sense of most of it.” I pause then suck in a deep breath before exhaling. “I…I met a man. It’s been a crazy whirlwind, but I love him. It turns out you even know him, Daddy. Small world, huh?”
I laugh softly through the relentless tears. “Rafe’s keeping the promise he made you. He’s kept me safe, and I’ve never felt more cherished or loved in my life. In fact, he saved my life. He saved me.”
Vivid white and pink lilies on my mother’s grave catch my eye, and for a brief moment, I wonder who placed them there. The starbursts on the petals made the flowers Mom’s favorite, and they were mine, as well. Who else would’ve known that? I push the thought out of my mind for the moment, instead focusing on my parents—or what’s left of them on this Earth.
“I wish you could have met him, Mom. I know you’d love him. He’s everything you ever wanted for me. Loving, protective, and he puts me above everything else. In his arms, I know I’m safe. Secure. Loved.”
I take a deep breath, unsure of how to go on. It’s silly, my hesitation to announce the news. It’s not like I’m sixteen years old and admitting a mistake. Yet, still, it feels strange, telling my parents when I know they’ll never have the chance to meet their grandchild. I can barely suppress the sob that bubbles up at the reminder. At the utter travesty that my child will never know its grandparents.
“God, I wish you both were here. I need you now more than ever. It was unexpected and definitely