Crowed (Team Zero #2) - Rina Kent Page 0,3

it with his own hands. Ever since I was born, I only knew that house. Maman was also born and raised in the house. It’s the last thing I have of her. Of Papa.

Of life.

If it’s taken away, what am I still existing for?

*****

An automatic smile plasters on my face as I do my rounds in the hospital. The scent of detergent in the nearly-empty hallway brings back the peace that was disrupted during my short stop in town.

People, in general, hated the hospital smell, but it brings me peace and familiarity.

Mrs Bordeaux tells me about her troublesome daughter-in-law as I change her bandages.

“If only I had a daughter-in-law like you,” she says. “So caring and kind.”

Believe me, you don’t want a broken person like me near you.

“You flatter me, Mrs Bordeaux.” I offer her as much of a genuine smile as I can muster and move on to the next patient. My movements are automated, and I catch myself zoning out from some patients’ chatter.

Merde.

This is a lot worse than it’s supposed to be.

I became a nurse to take care of Maman and other people who were too weak to tend to themselves, but now that she’s gone, I’m losing all the passion I had for my job.

As I roll my cart through the hallway, my gaze falls on the medical supplies. How easy it would be to pick up a syringe, fill it with a lethal dose of Vecuronium bromide and just go. End this numbness once and for all.

Join Maman and Papa.

Only I’m too cowardly to kill myself. And I can’t leave Charlotte all alone.

Besides, how can I face them when I’m losing the house?

A finger taps on my shoulder, ripping me out of my suicidal daydreams. I stop the cart and turn around to meet Xavier’s boyish grin – despite being in his mid-thirties. His brown hair falls in curls on his forehead. His open white coat reveals a buttoned-up light blue shirt and khaki trousers. There’s always some hint of cigarette smell on him underneath the antiseptic. He doesn’t smoke so I’m not sure where he gets it from.

“How are you tonight, Eloise?” he asks in a warm tone.

“I’m fine, Dr Leroux.”

Smile. Keep smiling.

It’s better to say I’m fine instead of explaining all the screeching chaos numbed under the surface.

“Come on.” He walks beside me. “I told you to call me Xavier. We’ve known each other for months.”

I nod. Although he’s only a general practitioner, Xavier did a lot to help Maman. He even visited us at home when she couldn’t move, but none of his efforts could fool death.

A blood stain catches my attention on his shirt’s cuff. I point at it. “That could be contaminated.”

He frowns at his bloodied cuff like it’s not supposed to be there. “You’re right. I’ll have to change.” He touches my arm to stop and make me face him. “It must’ve been tough on you all this time. Do you need anything?”

I focus on the light violet colour of my uniform and bite the inside of my cheek. Then I glance up at him from beneath my lashes. “Is it possible to apply for another loan?”

“What for?” His brows furrow.

“I have… debts.”

“I’m afraid not. You still have overdue debts to the hospital after all.” His brown eyes fill with the pity that everyone has been giving me since I lost Maman.

I hate that look. I hate being put under the microscope. I hate that they expect me to burst down in tears any second.

I attempt to continue rolling my cart when Xavier blocks my path again. “Wait. How about I lend you?”

My fingers become sweaty with humiliation and disgrace. “No, thank you. I’m already indebted to you as it is.”

“I rented my house by the beach for the summer, so I’ll be making some extra money.” He puts his hand on my arm again. “Let me know if you change your mind.”

Slowly, I pull my arm from underneath his. “Thanks, Dr Leroux, but I’ll figure it out myself.”

“It’s Xavier!” He calls as I hasten my way down the hall and to the call room. The clock reads 2 a.m.

My colleague, Céline, is fast asleep in the tiny bed. Her red curls cover her forehead as she tosses to her side, mumbling something about Nora – her newborn baby girl. My heart warms. It’s been a faded dream of mine to have a daughter and be a mother like Maman was to me, but motherhood isn’t for me.

Céline’s been