Christ, this hurt. Unlike the bullet that had struck his chest, Danni would leave a lasting, open wound.
“Why do you think I wanted you to wait six months?” He touched her trembling fingers, caressing her engagement band. “I didn’t want you to choose. I wanted it to happen. I wanted it to rise inside you and become the beat of your heart.” He softened his voice, dying inside. “The most decisive actions are the ones with the least consideration.”
“What are you saying?”
“The day you forced yourself to decide, I knew. When Trace walked out that door, I saw it in your eyes.” He forced resolve into his expression. “You voiced a decision your heart wasn’t ready to make.”
Her face turned to stone. But beneath the anger, he glimpsed concession. She knew he was right.
“I’ve watched you fight an inner battle for seven months.” He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles. “You’re fighting a war with your heart.”
Creases of pain etched around her mouth. “If that’s the case, why did I choose you?”
“I was your first. The logical choice. But the heart isn’t logical. Sometimes, we don’t know what we want until it’s gone.”
“It doesn’t matter.” In her usual stubborn fashion, she climbed onto his lap and steeled her voice. “I love you.
“I know you do.” He pulled her against him and tucked her head beneath his chin. “But you love him more.”
She sank her fingernails into his shoulders, clutching fiercely, holding on, fighting against the inevitable.
For a moment, he fought alongside her. They belonged together. He could work through this, love her hard, harder than any man ever could, and fill the void Trace left behind. There had been a time when he was all she needed.
Until he ruined it.
Agony rose without warning, scraping jagged shards through his throat.
The damage couldn’t be undone. He’d left her, let her believe he was dead, and lost her to another man.
Hot prickles stabbed the backs of his eyes. He couldn’t swallow. Couldn’t breathe.
He’d ruined them.
Dammit, he just wanted her to be happy, and it wasn’t fair to either of them to go on pretending. He’d rather be the one with the gutted heart. Instead of fighting for her, he’d rather fight for her wellbeing and take vicarious contentment in that. This wasn’t him being a martyr. He simply couldn’t find a better way.
He had to let fate play out. Let her go back to Trace. Let her go.
Let it all go.
His vision swarmed with tears. He didn’t make a sound, didn’t release the air in his lungs, but he couldn’t hide his anguish from her.
She leaned back and whimpered at the sight of his tears.
“Don’t make that face.” A sob escaped her as she frantically dried his cheeks with her hands. “Don’t give up on me.”
“I lost you, baby. I lost you the morning I got into that cab and left you crying on the porch.” He hauled her against him, his embrace constricting and his mouth at her ear. “I’m not giving up. I’m letting you go.”
She shattered in his arms, sucking choppy gulps of air. He clung to her, and she clung back, gripping, weeping. He held her through it, crying with her as she came to terms with reality.
Years of friendship, love, and dreams for the future spooled out around them. She would still have those things. Just not with him.
He would never love again. Never find another Danni. He couldn’t even fathom it. She was his soul mate.
For endless minutes, they sat in the sadness, deep in their own thoughts, until the tears stopped. Too soon, she raised her head and cupped his face, wearing a look of devastating finality. He wiped away her tears as she dried his.
“No more crying tonight.” He kissed her lips, softly lingering.
No words were exchanged as he carried her into the bedroom. No second thoughts were voiced as they undressed. No tears fell as he entered her body for the last time.
They’d been here before. Four years ago, he made love to her and left her. But this time, he wasn’t leaving for a job. He was leaving for her, and he wouldn’t be returning. This time, he stared into her eyes, fucked her achingly slow, and wordlessly said good-bye forever.
After, she lay beside him, studying his face, seemingly dazed. She always admired his looks. Her attraction to him had never been in question. Neither had her love.
The woman loved with her entire being. That was the