Cocky F*ck - Sheridan Anne
A heavy bang has my head whipping around to the door of the pool house to find Eli standing proud with a grin across his face. Penis balloons get shoved through the door and fly to the ceiling revealing the penis shaped hat on his head and pant’s down around his ankles with his dick staring back at me.
My eyes bug out of my head, but the shock coursing through my veins has me unable to find words. Eli strides through the door with his cock hanging low and in one easy swoop, he starts windmilling it around with his fists pumping into the sky.
“I’M FUCKING SYPHILIS FREE AND IT’S ALL THANKS TO YOU.”
What the fuck kind of bullshit have I invited into my life? And why can’t I take my eyes off his swinging dick?
It circles at least five full rotations before he reels that monster in and I manage to tear my gaze away. “What the hell are you doing?” I screech, pulling back as he starts racing toward me.
He launches himself across the room and I scramble away but he’s too quick. Eli’s strong grip curls around my ankle and he drags me back to him before curling me into his warm arms and suffocating me with love. “Get your dirty dick away from me, you skank ass whore.”
His groin wriggles against my thigh. “No can do, sweet cheeks,” he laughs proudly, his excited grin becoming infectious. “This dick is as clean as they come. Come on, have a good look. I might even let you touch it.”
“NO. God, no. Get it away from me.”
Eli laughs and finally relents, releasing his strong grip and allowing me to right myself on the couch. He awkwardly gets back to his feet with his jeans hanging around his ankles, and as he goes to bend to hoist them back up Officer Langston steps out of the bathroom and comes to a startling stop.
Eli’s eyes bug out of his head and his pants are torn up his legs so damn fast that I start to worry about the likelihood of his dick getting caught in his zipper. I roll my eyes, watching him die of embarrassment as the penis hat swiftly falls from his head.
Langston’s eyes narrow and flick between me and Eli, instantly assuming something else is going on here. Embarrassment floods through me even though it shouldn’t, and I'm left with bright red cheeks as the officer makes his way back toward the couch.
Eli doesn’t care for my embarrassment as protecting me from a threat will always come first. He steps in front of me, blocking me from the cop and knowing damn well that when there’s a cop in a room with someone from Breakers Flats, it’s not good news. “Who the fuck are you?”
“Eli,” I hiss as Langston’s hand hovers above the gun at his hip, clearly recognizing the massive black widow spider tattoo on his neck as the mark for his gang. For fuck’s sake. I love my boys but they have a way of making matters so much worse. Sometimes it’s a gift and other times, like this, it’s a nightmare. “Sit your stubborn ass down. Officer Langston was just taking my statement.”
“Your statement?” Eli gasps, spinning around to glare at me. “The fuck, Ocean? You know better than to talk to the cops about your shit. Nic said we’ll handle it.”
I clench my jaw, silently begging him to keep his fucking mouth shut but Officer Langston has a death wish and provokes him. “What’s a Black Widow doing in my town? You must be lost, boy.”
Eli spins back around, looking as though he just stepped right out of hell. “Boy?” he says, demanding respect. “I’m not your boy. I’m your worst fucking nightmare, and if anyone is lost around here, it’s you.”
“Black Widow’s are not welcome here.”
Eli takes a step forward, showing that he’s not about to back down. “Black Widows have been running this fucking town since you were in diapers, boy,” Eli spits, making my brows furrow and a million questions flow through my mind.
Langston looks around Eli and catches my eyes. “Is he bothering you, ma’am?”
I go to reply but Eli steps aside, blocking his view and making me wonder how this turned into some twisted pissing contest. “She’s fine.”
Langton’s hand flinches at his hip and I let out a frustrated groan before flying to my feet and throwing myself in front of Eli. My arms stretch out wide, blocking as