brings his face down toward mine, his blue eyes begging me to look at him. “I don’t know what I was thinking. You’ve just been so crazy lately.”
“Oh, so this is my fault!”
“I lost my head. I started hanging out with Suzy as friends. I wanted to get her advice on how to get you to stop acting so nuts and one thing just lead to another.” His grip on my arms loosens and I can see something like shame in his eyes.
I swipe at the tears on my cheeks and shake his hands from me. “Did you ever think of asking me why I was being so crazy? Did it ever cross your mind to talk to me about our problems before screwing our neighbor?” I gag on my tears and turn away from him, reaching out to violently stab at the lit arrow again.
“Ellie, I’m sorry. I made a mistake. Please, let’s talk about it.” There’s real pleading in his voice now.
I take a deep breath and steady myself against what I know I’ll see when I face him. He’s still shirtless and I have to force myself to not reach out and touch the smooth skin of his chest. Even through my anger, I can’t help but think he’s beautiful. He’s all taut, lean muscle, tanned and man-scaped to perfection. He’s perfect, and he’s breaking my heart.
“What’s there to talk about, Tim? You cheated on me, just like I knew you would.”
“See? You were obsessed with thinking that I was cheating on you – and I wasn’t. Well, not until recently. I just couldn’t take the constant paranoia and suspicion. You’re the one that couldn’t trust me and I—”
“Decided to prove me right? Decided to go ahead and cheat on me if that’s what I was already thinking?” I cross my arms, trying to squash the urge to punch him in his perfect nose.
Tim shakes his head. “Yeah, something like that, I guess.”
The elevator doors open and I throw myself inside, glad to be putting some distance between us. My resolve is wavering. Over the din of my psychic alarm bells I can hear that little voice inside me saying, ‘You pushed him into this.’
“Well, I guess we both got what we deserved then,” I say. “Don’t call me, and while you’re at it, burn the sofa.”
As the elevator doors close I watch his face. His appearance is everything it’s supposed to be. His eyes are cast down in shame, his shoulders hunched forward in disappointment, but he doesn’t come after me. He doesn’t place his hand between the elevator doors at the last moment to force them open and beg my forgiveness. He doesn’t call out my name in agonized desperation. He just lets me go, and I didn’t see that one coming.
Luanne, big hair silhouetted in the open doorway, steps aside as I enter the apartment.
“What is she, dental hygienist or yoga instructor?” she asks.
“She’s a masseuse.”
“Well, she must give one hell of a happy ending.”
Luanne’s place is above a Chinese restaurant and it always smells like fried rice. Her walls are lined with French poster art of 1920’s liquor propaganda and her furniture is all second hand. It’s warm and inviting, just like her.
I plop myself down on the sofa and wipe the tears from my eyes with the sleeve of my cardigan. I know I should go back to work, but the thought of re-stocking shaving gel after coming face-to-face with Suzy’s wax job is too much to bear. I turn my head away from Luanne, unable to look at her for fear of seeing any smugness cross her face. “I guess you can say you told me so.”
“I told you so. Now get on with it.”
Luanne perches herself on the arm of a chair to my left. Her face is passive, if not a little empathetic, as she waits for me to spill the beans on my newest sob story.
“There’s not much to tell really. I went home at lunch to grab those shoes you wanted to borrow and found Tim screwing our neighbor. I ran out of there as fast as I could. He followed me and we fought in the hallway. He basically told me I pushed him into it.” I look at Luanne’s face out of the corner of my eye, trying to gauge her reaction to the events. Her mouth is clamped shut, twisted in a frown. “What?” I ask, turning to face her. “Do you think I