I know there’s a heaven. It’s where my mother ended up after my father beat me out of her womb twenty-two years ago. How do I know she’s there? It’s hard to say. I’ve always felt it in my heart but never knowing her, I guess that doesn’t mean much. I like to believe she is though.
I also know there’s a hell. It’s where my father ended up after I took his life. He raised me, if that’s what you want to call it, until I was twelve. Beaten time after time until I couldn’t see straight, I finally stood up for myself. The man I called dad for all those years stood in front of his already six-foot-tall son with a smirk on his face.
“You think you’re a man?” The evil glint in his eyes still remains seared into my memory even to this day.
“A better man than you will ever be.” I moved in on him, the blade slowly slicing into his flesh. The bright red blood trickling its way free of the evil hold over him. I stabbed him multiple times in a fit of rage. The world around me turned red and all I could see were the eyes of the man who took so much from me.
I went to stay with my Uncle John after that. Not like his home was any better. Although the beatings stopped, new things were introduced into my life: sex, drugs, women.
Use em’ and lose em’ was his motto. He showed me how to close off my emotions, how to not care, but there was always that little nagging voice in the back of my mind that I’d like to think was my mother. Always telling me to do the right thing. Don’t use those poor girls, stay away from the drugs. Sometimes I’d listen to it but most of the time, I fell into step next to my uncle.
There’s a thin line between heaven and hell. I would know. I walk that line every single day waiting to trip and fall into one place or the another. I’ve grown accustomed to this line. Complete opposites. Heaven is bright and full of hope whereas hell is dark and full of fire. I crave them both. I’m on the precipice of tumbling to one or the other. Never knowing which way I’ll fall, I live life the way I’ve always lived it.
The only way I know how.
Cordae
“Let me see that shit?” Benny holds his hand out to me, wanting to check the bruises that now form on my skin. Black and blue are not new colors to me. They are however colors that I wear with pride.
“It’s fine, B.” Shaking him off, I head into the locker room ready to hit the showers when I see Angie. That tight black skirt does little to cover that little strip of red hair I know to be between those legs. Licking her lips, I give her a grin. She already knows what this is. Benny follows me inside the locker room mouthing about my hand, but I just ignore him, blowing him off.
“Look, B. It’s fine. It’s nothing I’m not used to man,” I tell him, flashing him my hand once more, as he eyes it with his own suspicions. He knows that shit is broken but doesn’t dare say a word to me about it. I know it’s more than likely broken too, but I don’t slow down to find out.
“Fine, Cord. Have it your way, but don’t bitch when you can’t bend that fucker.” Letting out a huff, he stomps from the room as I pull my shorts to the floor. Kicking them off to the side, I stalk straight towards that pretty little red head that awaits her turn to ride my cock.
“Who did you have to beat to get in here?” I ask her curiously. Her eyes sparkle as she licks her lips before sliding to the floor in front of me. To some women it’s degrading. They don’t like being on their knees sucking a man off but to her, she thinks it’s a fucking dream come true. I don’t complain either. She can suck better than any street whore and the beauty of her, she doesn’t cost a cent. My hand knots in her hair as she pulls me deeply into her mouth. The little hum she makes only vibrates my insides to the point of losing my sanity. Guiding her head, I want her to take me