All the Doubts (All the Lies #3) - Charlotte Byrd

1

Emma

He trusted me again and yet I know that I don't deserve that trust. I ran after him when I thought that I was going to lose him again. I've been after him to ask him why he had lied about D. B. Carter and then he told me the truth. He pulled out his phone and showed me the draft of all of these books. Then we kissed.

That kiss made me believe again. Not just in him, but in us. Even if it's just the possibility of us.

I know that I don't deserve his trust. I know that we have both been not particularly honest with each other. I shouldn’t have sent Shelby my notes.

I shouldn’t have even written any of them down. That's the first step to getting exposed. I just wanted to remember. I'm a journalist at heart and I wanted to keep track of every detail. Somehow, it feels like if you put your thoughts on paper, then they’re more real.

Writers have felt like this for centuries. That's why we write. We put pen to paper or keys to the keyboard and we record our innermost thoughts for posterity.

Is it really that though?

Is it really to be remembered or is it just to remember right now?

I have often sat down to write without knowing exactly what I was going to say. Somehow the process of organizing my thoughts into phrases, then sentences, then paragraphs, and then pages of text makes everything make sense.

When I was first presented with this mystery about the true identity of D. B. Carter, I had no idea where I was going to start. I had no idea that I wanted to include myself in the story, but why not? I was the one investigating it. It was my eyes that everything was getting filtered through.

Little did I know that D. B. Carter would end up being someone who I couldn’t stop thinking about.

Little did I know that D. B. Carter would end up being someone who would be there for me in my darkest hour.

I used to think that he was a distraction. I still think that he is just a rebound that might help me get over Alex. We are all tempted to do that, aren't we? Get out of a serious, long-term relationship that might have been a little too toxic and jump right into something else? Why? Why did I do that? Why does anyone?

To make myself feel better.

Then I realized that something else was happening. I saw myself becoming someone else. I like the person that I was between them. She was finally outgoing and fearless, maybe not entirely fearless, but a lot less fearful than she was with Alex.

Things with Liam were not planned out. In fact, most of the time I felt like the ground was shifting under my feet, but in a good way. It was exciting. Enticing.

He was somebody who took my mind off the pain that I felt with Alex and yet he was somebody who reminded me that Alex and I were never good together. He was always a liar and a cheat. I didn't know the truth about everything that he was doing and my world came crashing down that day, but looking back, I start seeing all the cracks.

Things with Liam are also complicated. He has secrets. I have uncovered some, but the more that I uncover, the more I know that there are others. He told me a lot about his life and the vast majority of it is true. Except of course for the little details like his name, where he was born, and what his family is like.

I'm kidding of course. Only partly.

Mostly because I'm just writing this to try to make sense of my life right now and how vastly complicated it got so quickly.

My thoughts wander back to our kiss or rather the montage of the kisses that we have shared. We have had so many start and stops that it’s difficult to think of one particular moment instead of a slew of images.

There he is brushing his fingers along my jaw. There he is with his hair falling into his eyes. There he is pressing his body hard against mine. There he is opening my mouth with his.

It's almost as if he has a magnetic pull on me. I've never felt this way with anyone before. I wanted to be with Alex and, of course, I have had boyfriends before him. None were particularly