“That’s bullshit!” Emma exploded for the first time that day. She stormed at me. “You’re not weak, Ethan! You let your guard down for two seconds, and a monster took advantage! That isn’t weakness.”
“Pardon me, but the Circle won’t see it that way. Neither will the people,” I said quietly. “Emma, we might not be together anymore, but in the eyes of Arcanean law, we’re still mated. What falls on me falls on you. And I refuse to cause any more pain and embarrassment to you than I already have.”
Emma’s cheeks burned. “I’m not embarrassed of you for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
“You don’t get it, Em. People will say you failed to protect your shifter. That you’re an incompetent sorceress,” Kiara pleaded. “Losing the Contest was strike one. Now that this has happened, you’ll have lost your last chance to prove yourself as a Marked. The fae will run you out of town.”
“Let them!” Emma shouted. “I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks, so long as Ethan is okay!”
I stared at her for a moment. The surrounding silence was deafening. “Would the rest of you mind giving Emma and I some privacy?”
I didn’t have to ask twice. The room cleared out, as if our friends wanted to escape the suffocating atmosphere that was closing in around Emma and I. Once they were gone, Emma paced around the room. Her steps landed heavily upon the hardwood.
Being alone with her— it was agonizing. The beating of my broken heart against my chest made me want to rip it out and stomp all over it. Gods, I needed to get this over with quickly.
“What kind of sick society discourages people from getting help?” Emma snarled. “I don’t care if I’m outcasted—”
“You can’t be. You’re the Worldweaver. You have a responsibility to Malovia and its people. Something that goes beyond me,” I said. “If you’re chased out of the country, you can’t attend Arcanea University, and you can’t find the stones. What will you do then?”
Emma stopped pacing, and chewed on her lip. “But don’t you see? It wasn’t you who did all those horrible things last semester. You’re not the one who stabbed me. It was the demon.”
My stomach clenched in guilt, thinking of the way the Phantom had run the White Rose through, on the rooftop of the palace that night of the masquerade. “It was me, Emma,” I said gently. “The leshane made the suggestion, put the idea in my head, but it was I who made the final choice. I was the one who killed those cultists without mercy, not him. The demon can make me angry, influence my emotions, but he can’t force me to act upon them. The guilt falls on me alone.”
Emma’s teeth gnashed. “You have to hold on. You have to fight this, cling to your beliefs so we can cast this demon out!”
“You don’t understand. I’m not sure what my beliefs are anymore,” I stated. “The leshane has twisted them so harshly it’s difficult to understand what’s right and what’s wrong. I can no longer tell where my opinion ends and his begins.”
“That can’t be true. You have unbendable morals. Beliefs in things like patriotism, and freedom.”
“Yes. I believe in freedom, above all things. Though there was a point I never believed you had to kill in order to obtain it. The leshane changed my mind about that.”
Emma tapped her shoe in thought. “Last semester you said preserving freedom is more important than saving lives. I knew that wasn’t you. You don’t think that way.”
“Do I not?” I questioned. “I’m unsure. The leshane took that belief in freedom and twisted it to his own desires. He can do that with anything— even my love for you.”
Emma winced when I admitted I still loved her… but I wouldn’t lie. It was still the truth.
But she didn’t say she loved me back, and that hurt. “You say you don’t know who you are, but I know you, Ethan. You’re my mate. I know who you are at the core.”
“You might not, onawilke. We didn’t meet each other until after I was already possessed,” I said. “What if I’m not the person you think I am? What if you fell for the leshane?”
To be honest, that was what I was most terrified of.
Emma rolled her eyes. “Please, Ethan. My judgement isn’t that awful.”
“But the demon is a trickster. A master of fae magic. He could’ve—”