the wrong fighting against each other. “It may not be safe in there, Ella,” I say. It’s definitely not safe in there.
Tears bubble in the corners of her eyes and the sight of them brings a stabbing feeling to my chest. “I’m eight. I can be brave too,” she says in a not-so-brave voice.
“You need to stay right next to me. You need to listen to every word I say, and you need to keep quiet.” I don’t know what I’m walking into, and I know I shouldn’t be bringing her with me but leaving her out here alone would make this worse on her than it already is.
I approach the nearest State Trooper for details. “We were called in. What’s the status?” I hide Ella behind my leg, hoping to avoid having the cop take her away right now, but his focus seems drained, and his attention is locked on the front doors of the store.
“There are three gunmen, and two explosions were set off in different aisles. One of the gunmen is still alive and holding thirty-five people hostage. We’re working on taking him out and once that happens, we need to get in there and sweep for the most serious conditions first. We’ve been told there are at least fifteen people dead and ten critically injured.” His words are emotionless, straight to the point, and nothing an eight-year-old should ever have to hear in her lifetime. I’m guessing Ella agrees, as I feel her hands ball up inside of mine.
“She okay?” The cop finally notices Ella but doesn’t seem nearly as concerned about her as I am.
“She’s fine,” I tell him.
The cop’s radio blares out, “Gunman three—down and out—ready to sweep.”
The cop runs from my side toward the front doors, ready to take action, and I’m still debating what to do with Ella. I look down at her, catching her gaze staring up at me. She shouldn’t have to see what she’s about to see, but now I don’t have anyone to leave her with. “It’s not going to be pretty in there, kiddo but I can’t leave you alone out here. Let’s call your mom or dad before we go in, though.”
“They’re in London for my dad’s business meeting.”
“Grandparents?”
“They’re dead.” Christ.
“If I tell you to close your eyes, will you?” I ask her, not knowing if whatever she says will be the truth.
“No,” she responds. “It will make it hard to find them, and you don’t know what they look like.” Wow, this kid is brave and despite my resolve to shut off my feelings, for some reason, I feel an affinity for her. Something about her reminds me of myself. She has a good point about looking for her aunt and her brother but there are only thirty-five people in there, and I don’t know if they are among the fatalities. Whether they are alive or dead, there’s a good chance they are in no condition for Ella to see right now. “I can only take you inside if you promise to close your eyes when I tell you to,” I tell her, kindly but firmly.
Ella looks down toward her pink running shoes that are covered in thick dust. “Okay,” she mumbles.
I head toward the doors of the grocery store, and at the same time the screams from inside grow louder. I shouldn’t be taking this little girl in there. I know it’s wrong, I just don’t know what else to do, and I need to help her, as well as whoever else needs it.
Once inside, the air becomes thick and there is smoky dust falling from parts of the ceiling. I do my best to avoid those areas as I turn around and pull the collar of Ella’s shirt up over her nose. “Hold this here,” I tell her, firmly.
Starting from the first aisle, which looks to be clear, we zigzag down each consecutive one. Everything continues to look clear until we hit the fourth aisle. We turn a corner to find everything throughout the whole area is in pieces. There’s nothing left but ashes lining the linoleum. There are paramedics and cops scattered around, but I don’t see any children here, so thankfully, I don’t think Ella’s brother and aunt are down this aisle. We continue down the next three aisles, again finding nothing. But as the smokiness increases, we head down the next aisle, where there are no paramedics or cops yet, and I hear a woman screaming for help. I can