The Revenge Artist - Philip Siegel Page 0,1

how much you spend but rather the thought that goes into what you buy.”

Jake nods as a courtesy.

“That seems more like her sister Sofia, anyway,” I say.

“She seems like a handful.”

If a guy talks about a hot Cory sister, then he’s usually talking about Sofia, Paulina’s younger sister. An endless line of guys fawn over her, and she flicks them away like they’re perfume spritzers at Macy’s. Don’t guys realize when a girl is out of their league? Unfortunately, it’s easy to forget about Paulina. She’s quiet, studious, all too willing to cede the spotlight to her sister. She’s also pretty, but in a plainer way than her sibling. Paulina’s the girl who just walked into the studio, and Sofia is the model ready for a shoot.

“So we know the who. Now tell me why.” I check out Paulina’s various social postings. She puts up a daily picture on Instagram of her crossword puzzle in progress, teasing followers with a clue. I take a screenshot for later as a plan already whips itself up in my head. I don’t know how matchmakers and private investigators did their jobs before social media.

I refocus my attention back to the webcam. “Jake?”

“What do you mean why?”

“Why Paulina?”

I lean closer to my laptop. It’s a probing question, but it has to be asked. Always. I need to make sure I’m doing this for the right reasons, not so guys can add a notch on their belts or girls can move up the social totem pole. I have a lot of qualifications that need to be met before I take on a client, but first and foremost, the crush must be genuine. I turn down ninety percent of requests. Like I said, right reasons and all.

He stares at me with intensity glowing in his eyes. It’s a look every girl hopes a guy has when he’s talking about her. “In class, when we’re working on a problem set or the teacher’s showing us something new, it’s like I can see the wheels turning in her head. She loves to be challenged, and I love watching her in those moments. She’s actually excited to learn something, which I know sounds nerdy, but it’s really cute. And I guess I’m kind of nerdy, too.”

“Anything else?”

Jake lets himself get lost in his mind as a montage of expressions flash across his round face. “She’s just…kinda wonderful, you know?”

That’s all that needs to be said. I see it in Jake’s eyes. It’s the same buzzy fizzle of emotion that zipped through me two and a half months ago. Takes one to know one.

***

I am not a matchmaker. Matchmaking is when your grandmother wants to set you up with the grandson of her canasta partner because he’s the only guy she knows of under fifty. I am a relationship engineer. I don’t rely on fate and chance to bring people together. Matchmaking is going into a casino to gamble. Relationship engineering is going there to count cards. Except it’s not illegal, of course. (And the only reason counting cards is illegal is because casinos are sore losers, but that’s another discussion for another time.)

See, any couple is possible if played right. It’s all about having control of the situation from start to finish. That’s why I developed a five-step process for creating couples.

Preparation: Know who you’re dealing with. I did my research on Jake and Paulina. Jake runs cross-country and track. He’s not one for grabbing the spotlight. It’s best that he goes the sweet, sincere, John Cusack route when courting Paulina.

Anticipation: Know how they will react before you engage. Is Paulina Cory the type of girl who would freak out if she receives a crossword puzzle scavenger hunt, ultimately winding up at Jake’s locker? No. Above all, she likes to be intellectually engaged, and judging from her reactions in group settings, I can tell she secretly longs for more personalized attention. She’ll sink her teeth into these puzzle clues.

Deliberation: Create your plan of attack. I spend most of my weekend writing crossword puzzle clues. I had to ingratiate myself to the whole crossword puzzle culture first. Jake has to seem like he knows all the nuances of puzzles. For instance, question clues mean the answer is a pun. Abbreviation in the clue means abbreviation in the answer. I come up with some doozies. Summers in the Far East? Five letters. (Answer: abaci, as in the one Mrs. Wormer uses.) Where the US is on even ground. Twelve letters. (Answer: