seemed a long time later that she added, "Would I have loved Stefan if I'd known he was a vampire from the beginning? Yes! Yes! Yes! I'd have fallen in love with him no matter what! But it changed things - and it changed me." Elena's finger traced a pattern on her nightgown by touch alone. "You see, vampires show love by exchanging blood. The problem was...that I was sharing blood with Damon, too. Not really by choice, but because he was after me constantly, day and night."
She let out a sigh. "What Damon says is that he wants to make me a vampire and his Princess of the Night. What that translates into is: he wants me all to himself. But I wouldn't trust Damon on anything unless he gave his word. That's one quirk he has, he never breaks his word."
Elena could feel an odd smile curling her lips, but she was speaking calmly now, fluently, the mobile almost forgotten.
"A girl involved with two vampires...well, there's bound to be trouble, isn't there? So maybe I deserved what I got.
"I died.
"Not just 'died' like when your heart stops and they resuscitate you and you come back talking about almost going into the Light. I went into the Light.
"I died.
"And when I came back - what a surprise! I was a vampire.
"Damon was...kind to me, I suppose, when I first woke up as a vampire. Maybe that's the reason I still have...feelings for him. He didn't take advantage of me when he could have easily.
"But I only had time to do a few things in my vampire life. I had time to remember Stefan and love him more than ever - since I knew, then, how difficult everything was for him. I got to listen to my own memorial service. Ha! Everybody should get a chance to do that. I learned to always, always wear lapis lazuli so I wouldn't become a vampire Crispy Critter. I got to say good-bye to my little four-year-old sister, Margaret, and visit Bonnie and Meredith...."
Tears were still sliding almost unnoticed down Elena's face. But she spoke quietly.
"And then - I died again.
"I died the way a vampire dies, when they don't have lapis lazuli in the sunlight. I didn't crumble into dust; I was only seventeen. But the sun poisoned me anyway. Going was almost...peaceful. That was when I made Stefan promise to take care of Damon, always. And I think Damon swore to take care of Stefan, in his mind. And that was how I died, with Stefan holding me and Damon beside me as I simply drifted away, like going to sleep.
"After that, I had dreams I don't remember, and then suddenly, one day everyone was surprised because I was talking to them through Bonnie, who is very psychic, poor thing. I guess I had landed the job of being Fell's Church's guardian spirit. There was a danger to the town. They had to fight it and somehow, when they were sure that they had lost, I got dumped back to the world of the living to help. And - well, when the war was won I was left with these weird powers I don't understand. But there was Stefan, too! We were together again!"
Elena wrapped her arms around herself tightly and held on as if she were holding Stefan to her, imagining his warm arms around her. She shut her eyes until her breathing slowed.
"About my powers, let's see. There's telepathy, which I can do if the other person is telepathic - which all vampires are, but to different degrees unless they're actually sharing blood with you at the time. And then there are my Wings.
"It's true - I have Wings! And the Wings have powers you wouldn't believe - the only problem being that I don't have the faintest idea how to use them. There's one that I can feel sometimes, like right now, trying to get out of me, trying to shape my lips to name it, trying to move my body into the right stance. It's Wings of Protection and that sounds like something we could really use on this trip. But I can't even remember how I made the old Wings work - much less figure out how to use this new one. I say the words until I feel like an idiot - but nothing happens at all.
"So I'm a human again - as human as Bonnie. And, oh, God, if I could only see her