The plant - By Stephen King Page 0,1

know that. His assertion that he's going to direct the movie suggests that he's a ding-dong with delusions of grandeur. I think we both know that. Further, I'd stake my last pair of skivvies (I'm wearing them, and mighty gray they are!) that, despite his disclaimer, every publisher in New York has seen True Tales of Demon Infestations. Loyalty to one's company can go only so far, chum; not even a moderately bright third-grader would start at Zenith House. I'd guess this letter has been patiently retyped and sent out by the indefatigable (and probably obsessed) Mr. Detweiller at least forty times, starting with Farrar, Straus & Giroux, or maybe even Alfred A. Knopf.

But I think there's a possibility-albeit an extremely thin one-that Mr. Detweiller may have researched enough material to actually make a book. It would have to be rewritten, of course-his query letter makes that abundantly clear-and the title sucks, but we have several writers on our books who would be more than happy to do a little ghost-writing and pick up a quick $600. (I saw you wince-make that $400. Probably the indefatigable Olive Barker is the best of them. Also, I think Olive has a thing for Valium. Junkies work harder than normal people, boss, as I think you know. At least until they die, and Olive's tough. She doesn't look too good since her stroke-I hate the way the left side of her face just hangs there-but she is tough.)

As I say, the chances are thin, and it's always a trifle risky to encourage an obvious crazy, because it is so difficult to get rid of them (remember General Hecksler and his book Twenty Psychic Garden Flowers? For a while I thought the man might be genuinely dangerous, and of course he was a large part of the reason poor old Bill Hammer quit). But actually, Bloody Houses did do pretty well, and the whole thing-blurry photos and all-came out of the New York Public Library. So you tell me: do we add ole Carlos to Returns or do we invite him to submit an outline and sample of chapters? Speak quickly, o great leader, for the fate of the universe hangs in the balance.

John

From the office of the editor-in-chief

TO: John Kenton DATE: 1/15/81

MESSAGE: Dear Christ, Johnny! Do you ever shut up? That memo was three pages long! If your weren't stoned, you have no excuse. Reject the damn query letter, tell this Carlos What's-His-Face to send his manuscript, buy him a pony, whatever you want. But save me the mother-fucking thesis. I don't get them from Herb, Sandra, or Bill, and I don't want them from you. "Shovel the shit and shut up," how does that strike you as a motto?

Roger

P. S. Harlow Enders called again today-we're going to keep on drawing paychecks for another year at least, it seems. After that, who knows? He says there's going to be an "assessment of position" in June, and "a total review of Zenith's overall position in the market" next January-I construe those two fulsome phrases to mean we could be for sale next January unless our market position improves, and given our current distribution system, I don't see how it can. My head aches. I think I may have a brain tumor. Please don't send me any more long memos.

P. P. S. L'il Lolita is actually a pretty good title, don't you think? We could commission it. I'm thinking maybe Mort Yeager, he's got a touch for that sort of thing. Remember Teenage Lingerie Show? The girl in L'il Lolita could be eleven, I think-wasn't the original Lolita twelve?

interoffice memo

TO: Roger FROM: John RE: Possible brain tumor

Sounds more like a tension headache to me. Take four Quaaludes and call me in the morning. By the way, Mort Yeager's in jail. Receiving stolen property, I think.

John

from the office of the editor-in-chief

TO: John Kenton DATE: 1/16/81

MESSAGE: Don't you have any work to do?

Roger

interoffice memo

TO: Roger FROM: John RE: Merciless huckstering by insensitive superior

Yes, I'll write a letter to Carlos Detweiller, next year's National Book Award winner.

John

P. S. -Don't bother to thank me.

January 16, 1981

Mr. Carlos Detweiller 147 E. 14th Street, Apt. E Central Falls, Rhode Island 40222

Dear Mr. Detweiller,

Thank you for your interesting letter of January 4th, with its brief but intriguing description of your book, True Tales of Demon Infestations. I would welcome a fuller synopsis of the book, and invite you to submit sample chapters (I would prefer chapters 1-3) with your synopsis. Both the