Midsummer's Eve - By Kitty Margo Page 0,2

had inherited their carrot colored hair from her, was a few pounds shy of morbid obesity and devouring every word in People while loudly snacking on a bag of salt and vinegar flavored pork rinds.

I will admit that I have a truly weak stomach, and nothing switches on my gag reflex quicker than snot. So, since all three children had a rather unsightly greenish discharge pooling in the valley between their nose and mouth, I drew a deep breath to settle my queasy insides, closed my eyes, leaned my head against the wall, and tried to think pleasant thoughts.

Luckily for me, a gentleman wracked with wheezing fits of chest rattling coughs got up to smoke and offered me his seat. I gratefully took the seat on a couch covered with clear plastic that protested with a loud embarrassing crackling when I planted my fanny on it and again every time afterward when my starving lungs demanded another deep breath.

This I hesitated to do, as the elderly lady to my left had chosen to douse herself with liberal amounts of an overwhelmingly floral Avon scent. On top of that, her false teeth clicked against each other while she chattered constantly and nonstop about her boyfriend Clyde running around with some floozy at the VFW’s Thursday Night Bingo. Although I did pause long enough to consider what the running around of two ninety year olds might entail, I chose to ignore her and peruse the room.

It was obvious that Lady Wonder had a fondness for the ocean. The walls were dotted with colorful landscaped scenes of palmetto trees and waves crashing on a sandy shore. Ceramic fish jumped from fountains in all four corners and ornate glass vases filled with sand and a variety of seashells took center stage on the surface of practically every table and shelf.

At last, the elderly lady was called back. Bless God! Then a new arrival, a gentleman in his late thirties-early forties and wearing an animal control officer uniform, took the seat the elderly lady had vacated and proceeded to entertain us with his daring deeds in the wilds of South Carolina’s treacherous jungles.

Okay, for starters. It was possible that he might have been considered reasonably attractive if he had been about a foot taller, or if he had chosen to acquaint himself with a tube of Colgate at some point during the last few decades.

We listened to his captivating tales of capturing everything from rabid foxes and dogs, to raccoons and skunks. We heard of his numerous, and always life threatening entanglements with poisonous snakes. He regaled us with his obviously embellished tales of his heroic efforts at capturing coyotes, poisonous spiders, squirrels, a baby kitten, etc. We even heard how he had once bravely wrestled a man-eating alligator to the ground with his bare hands, in a swamp no less, with several other hungry gators watching from the sidelines. He was 5’1” and probably weighed in at 120 pounds soaking wet. How much wrestling could he do? He carried on and on and on about his courageous adventures in the Animal Kingdom for over an hour.

Then, out of the blue, the charismatic dogcatcher gave me his most radiant smile and invited me to lunch next door at the Huddle House. Now, even though I’m sure I would have enjoyed the fine dining experience of a Huddle House, I had to wonder if I would even be able to swallow what I was served, with those gums screaming gingivitis over a plate of food. “No. Thanks for the offer, but I already have plans,” I fibbed, when he pulled a toothpick out of his shirt pocket and commenced to pick one of his cavity-riddled molars, causing bile to swim around my tonsils.

When he saw that I wasn’t a willing candidate for an intimate luncheon for two, he leaned over me and posed the same question to the girl to my right. She was in her early 30’s and beautiful. What problems could she possibly need a psychic to solve?

I enjoyed watching her politely put him in his place and deflate his obnoxious ego by several degrees. Then while she courteously covered her mouth to filter the toxic fumes emanating from his lips, I turned to her and asked, “Is Lady Wonder any good?” Surely she must be to have a following like this on a Thursday.

“She has a gift from God. She sees things.” She smiled reverently. “She will answer all your questions.”

Then she settled