Midnight Hero - By Diana Duncan Page 0,3
could see them in fifty-five years. “Married. Happy.”
She gulped and looked down at their uneaten food, breaking the connection. “Where do we live? How many kids do we have? Are you still in the same job? Am I? What kind of shape are we in financially? What are our interests, who are our friends?”
He’d known her propensity for planning, but this was overkill. And smelled like more of Ellen Chambers’s influence. “Darlin’ there are unanswerable questions in life. Some things can’t be scheduled. Sometimes it’s better to keep things simple. Ad-lib.”
“It’s not. The only way to be secure, have peace of mind, is to be organized and prepared. Keep things under control.”
“Life isn’t in our control. Crap happens. You deal with it.” He shrugged. “We’ll handle whatever comes, as it comes. Together.”
“You can’t know that. We’ve only been dating six months.”
He used his index finger to tip up her chin until her gaze again met his. “I fell in love with you in six seconds.”
Stark misery shadowed her blue eyes. But there was no mistaking the resolve in her gaze. His gut clenched. For the first time since she’d ambushed him with the breakup, he questioned his ability to assault-and-rescue her doubts. He squared his shoulders. He never accepted defeat. On any level.
Tears pooled in her eyes. “Sometimes love isn’t enough. It boils down to who we are. You shake hands with violence and death on a daily basis. I don’t understand violence, can’t be a part of it.” She gave him a sad, tremulous smile. “I can’t even kill the mice that get into the storage room at the shop, even though they chew the books. I use humane traps and let them go.”
Trap and release didn’t work with criminals. He’d arrested too many perps already on parole for prior crimes. The minute the vermin got out, they crawled right back into your house. But his sensitive girl wouldn’t buy that—she was determined to see the best in everyone. He shrugged. “I don’t have a problem with humane mousetraps.”
“This isn’t about mice, and you know it. It’s your job.”
“Why now? You’ve known what I do since our first date.”
“And lived in denial. Knowing and seeing are two very different things. The morning news forced me to face it.”
Understanding dawned. “Ah. Well, you know the media maggots. They always blow everything out of proportion. Sensationalize every detail. Juice it up to increase ratings.”
“I saw the raging fire and the SWAT team dodging exploding gunshots. Saw the burnt-out meth lab your team was called up to serve a high-risk warrant on. Saw the medical examiners carrying out body bags.” Tears streaked her face with crystal rivers of sorrow. “Four body bags. Three suspects and one SWAT officer.” Her voice broke. “They didn’t say who the officer was.”
He cradled her hand in his. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I had no idea they broadcast that. The casualty was from another team. I was going to call you this morning as soon as I was sure you were awake and let you know I was okay. You called me instead.”
Her fingers trembled in his grasp. “You can’t help wanting to be first in line to catch bullets between your teeth. You can’t help being a hero, because that’s what you are. Who you are. And I’d never ask you to give it up. Ever.”
“I’m no hero.” Ice slinked up his spine. This was no mere case of commitment jitters. The survival of their relationship was in serious jeopardy. “I’m just doing my damn job.”
“Accountants are just doing their jobs. Shoe salesmen are just doing their jobs. You’re risking your life every minute. My father was a hero, and he came home in a body bag. After what that did to my mother, to me, I can’t go through it again.” Her entire body was shaking violently.
He studied her stricken face. The decision was tearing her apart. If she really wanted to break off with him, she wouldn’t be so heartbroken. “You can’t seriously tell me this is what you really want.”
“What I want doesn’t matter. I can’t make this choice with my heart. I have to make it with my head.”
“The only way to make this choice is with your heart.”
“No. I have to do what’s best. For your sake.”
Bewilderment snaked through him. “What does that mean?”
“I’m not the kind of woman you need. Or deserve. I don’t have the strength to support you.” She was openly crying now. “I’ve seen the consequences. With my