Look at the birdie: unpublished short fiction - By Kurt Vonnegut Page 0,4

said Ellen.

“I’m on your side,” said Confido warmly.

Henry strode into the kitchen, rubbing his craggy face to a bright pink with a rough towel. After a night’s sleep, he was still the new Henry, the promoter, the enterpriser, ready to lift himself to the stars by his own garters.

“Dear sirs!” he said heartily. “This is to notify you that two weeks from this date I am terminating my employment with the Accousti-gem Corporation in order that I may pursue certain business and research interests of my own. Yours truly—” He embraced Ellen and rocked her back and forth in his great arms. “Aha! Caught you chatting with your new friend, didn’t I?”

Ellen blushed, and quickly turned Confido off. “It’s uncanny, Henry. It’s absolutely spooky. It hears my thoughts and answers them.”

“Now nobody need ever be lonely again!” said Henry.

“It seems like magic to me.”

“Everything about the universe is magic,” said Henry grandly, “and Einstein would be the first to tell you so. All I’ve done is stumble on a trick that’s always been waiting to be performed. It was an accident, like most discoveries, and none other than Henry Bowers is the lucky one.”

Ellen clapped her hands. “Oh, Henry, they’ll make a movie of it someday!”

“And the Russians’ll claim they invented it,” laughed Henry. “Well, let ’em. I’ll be big about it. I’ll divide up the market with ’em. I’ll be satisfied with a mere billion dollars from American sales.”

“Uh-huh.” Ellen was lost in the delight of seeing in her imagination a movie about her famous husband, played by an actor that looked very much like Lincoln. She watched the simple-hearted counter of blessings, slightly down at the heels, humming and working on a tiny microphone with which he hoped to measure the minute noises inside the human ear. In the background, colleagues played cards and joshed him for working during the lunch hour. Then he placed the microphone in his ear, connected it to an amplifier and loudspeaker, and was astonished by Confido’s first whispers on earth:

“You’ll never get anywhere around here, Henry,” the first, primitive Confido had said. “The only people who get ahead at Accousti-gem, boy, are the backslappers and snow-job artists. Every day somebody gets a big raise for something you did. Wise up! You’ve got ten times as much on the ball as anybody else in the whole laboratory. It isn’t fair.”

What Henry had done after that was to connect the microphone to a hearing aid instead of a loudspeaker. He fixed the microphone on the earpiece, so that the small voice, whatever it was, was picked up by the microphone, and played back louder by the hearing aid. And there, in Henry’s trembling hands, was Confido, everybody’s best friend, ready for market.

“I mean it,” said the new Henry to Ellen. “A cool billion! That’s a six-dollar profit on a Confido for every man, woman, and child in the United States.”

“I wish we knew what the voice was,” said Ellen. “I mean, it makes you wonder.” She felt a fleeting uneasiness.

Henry waved the question away as he sat down to eat. “Something to do with the way the brain and the ears are hooked up,” he said with his mouth full. “Plenty of time to find that out. The thing now is to get Confidos on the market, and start living instead of merely existing.”

“Is it us?” said Ellen. “The voice—is it us?”

Henry shrugged. “I don’t think it’s God, and I don’t think it’s the Voice of America. Why not ask Confido? I’ll leave it home today, so you can have lots of good company.”

“Henry—haven’t we been doing more than merely existing?”

“Not according to Confido,” said Henry, standing and kissing her.

“Then I guess we haven’t after all,” she said absently.

“But, by God if we won’t from now on!” said Henry. “We owe it to ourselves. Confido says so.”

Ellen was in a trance when she fed the two children and sent them off to school. She came out of it momentarily, when her eight-year-old-son, Paul, yelled into a loaded school bus, “Hey! My daddy says we’re going to be rich as Croesus!”

The school bus door clattered shut behind him and his seven-year-old sister, and Ellen returned to a limbo in a rocking chair by her kitchen table, neither heaven nor hell. Her jumbled thoughts permitted one small peephole out into the world, and filling it was Confido, which sat by the jam, amid the uncleared breakfast dishes.

The telephone rang. It was Henry, who had just gotten