The Long Way Home - Tara Brown Page 0,2

got to the bathroom. Leaning against the counter and fumbling with my clutch, I almost cried when I finally got the snap open. The little blue pill felt massive in my fingers. I hated needing it, but I hated the sweat and nerves that came from my panic attacks. I had been taking them more and more lately. My father’s doctor had recommended I up my dosage to deal with the stress, with it being so close to my wedding.

I slipped it between my lips, closing my eyes. I couldn’t watch myself slip away in the mirror. I hated what taking the pill did to me. What it looked like.

I opened my eyes as it trailed its way down my esophagus. My strawberry-blonde hair was still glossy and in its place. Everything was perfect. My peachy skin tone looked flawless. At least I didn’t look like he had made me red and embarrassed.

I ran my hands over my cheeks and nodded. The pill would hit any second and I would be fine. My heart was racing. It wasn’t the first time I had suspected, but it was the first time I actually imagined I was right.

When my heart slowed, I walked from the bathroom and rejoined my group. Angela handed me back my wine. Phil was gone from the corner he was hiding in. My eyes naturally roamed the room, looking for him. He was gone. Oh God. He was gone. He was in a deserted room of the old mansion, doing Eleanor. I took a deep breath and waited for the pill to hit.

I had given up everything and everyone for him. He was the man in the family. Our families had traditions that I hated, but I accepted them and followed them. I didn’t work, I didn’t cook or clean, and I never missed a spa appointment or a gym class. I was my mother, only younger and less botoxed. It was a destination I never imagined arriving at.

I didn’t know where the free-spirited girl I’d been had gone.

Angela's laugh brought me back around. She shook her head, “Oh God, remember that summer we all swore we would go to Europe together? That trip sounded like such fun. We should do it when the kids are older.” Her unintentionally cruel comment hit at just the wrong moment.

Helena twisted the already-painful knife in my gut, “I know. I miss us the way we were. We really should do a girls’ weekend before you and Phil get married and pregnant. You don’t want to go pregnant.”

I glanced at the bartender and wondered if I could make my joke with him not be a joke. He would make me young and reckless. He would be like the pill; make all the bad feelings go away. If Phil could do it, so could I. Couldn’t I?

No. I couldn’t. Probably not, anyway.

Diane nodded, “Yeah well, I’m down for whenever and whatever you all are. I need some time away from home. I’m going nuts.” She grabbed my hand and I saw desperation hiding in her gaze, “Don’t have kids. I swear, they’re such a pain in the ass and they suck every ounce of energy from you and your breasts.”

I laughed, letting it be a joke, “Your breasts are beautiful.”

She cocked an eyebrow, “Twenty thousand later.”

I snorted, spilling some of my wine. I wiped my lip with my fingers, “Oh God, I never would have guessed. You look beautiful. Do you guys have a napkin?”

They looked around amongst them. I blushed, “Be right back. I can’t believe it’s only four in the afternoon and I’ve got a hole in my lip already.” I rolled my eyes and sauntered over to the bar, “Can I get a napkin, please?” The pill was hitting.

He grinned and ran his hands through his sandy hair, “Sure thing.”

I shook my head, “Not that one. That one was a joke.”

He passed me a stack. His number was at the top, “Just in case you change your mind.”

I laughed, noticing Phil standing outside on the balcony with Eleanor. The sides of their bodies were pressed against each other, too close for a casual stance on a deck with a friend.

My heart slipped out of my chest and landed in my stomach with a thud. I nodded and folded it over, “Two hours?”

He winked, “You’re in trouble.”

I nodded, “I certainly hope so.” I wiped my lip and walked back to my group of friends, stuffing the napkin in my clutch.

Angela nodded,