Learn Me Gooder - By John Pearson Page 0,2

ago, who ALWAYS thought “catorce” came next when counting. Whenever we had a little free time, we would break out the counting cubes and practice in his native language.

“Uno, dos, tres. . . What comes next, Hernando?”

“Catorce?”

It’s possible that Bono of U2 was hanging around my portable that year and used Hernando as an inspiration for the opening to “Vertigo,” but somehow I doubt it.

There are two girls named Anna in my homeroom this year. They’re quite easy to tell apart, though. One of them is super short, and the other has an unusually deep, raspy voice. Both seem intelligent and well behaved, so I’m pleased to have both “Tiny Anna” and “Smoker Anna” in my class.

My afternoon class started the day in Mrs. Bird’s classroom (she’s my partner this year). One of her introductory activities was having the kids write their answer to the question, “How did you spend your summer?”

I looked at a random paper this afternoon, from a little girl named Betsy, and I was pleased to see that it started with, “It was fun, we went to Six Flags and Cici’s Pizza, and I got a new puppy.”

That’s so much better than if it had said, “My dad got caught trying to smuggle illegal fighting llamas into the country, so we visited him every Thursday from two to four at the Brownsville County Lockup. Also, my new puppy smells like paint thinner.”

Another girl in Mrs. Bird’s homeroom already feels comfortable enough to use a nickname in class. Her name is Gwenn, but on her papers, she wrote “Priti Prinses.” I’m assuming she means Pretty Princess. I’m also assuming that’s a self-appointed nickname.

Well hey, I think the custodians want me out of here now, so I’m going to go home and find something to eat. Say hey to the gang there at Heat Pumps Unlimited for me. Let them know that my days of sleeping till noon are over.

At least until Saturday.

Talk to you later,

Newt B Ginnings

Date: Wednesday, August 26, 2009

To: Fred Bommerson

From: Jack Woodson

Subject: The leg bone’s connected to the… elbow?

Hey Fred,

I find it oddly kind of sweet that Larry has been looking forward to my first message, but that still doesn’t give him the right to open your email when you’re not around. Even if he IS your supervisor now. And I STILL don’t understand how that happened.

But hey, him being a bonehead transitions nicely into my first story today.

As part of the first lesson in science class, we’ve begun to explore different examples of systems. Today, we took a look at the human skeleton. The kids partnered up, and I gave each pair a skeleton puzzle. There were about twenty pieces to each skeleton, some representing individual bones and some depicting sets of bones like the ribcage. The kids used brads to connect the bones through holes in each piece.

Let me tell you, my kids have some VERY convoluted ideas about how their bodies are put together.

One group immediately tried to fasten the pelvis to the base of the skull. Every group in my afternoon class thought that the arm only had one bone, so they had the hand approximately where the elbow should be. The part of the spinal column that was supposed to go between the rib cage and the pelvis was instead placed by one group on the underside of the pelvis. I didn’t have the heart, or the guts, to tell them that there is actually no bone there.

The skeletons weren’t the only things not making sense today. Class sizes have gotten a bit uneven. On Monday, I had 13 kids in my class. My other class, Mrs. Bird’s homeroom, had 12. The other four third grade classes had similar numbers.

Today, I have 20 students in my homeroom. Mrs. Bird has 14, and the closest other class has 15. For some reason, our enrollment person, Mrs. O’Reilly, keeps depositing all of the new third graders into my homeroom!

This might not be so bad if they came bearing gifts of frankincense and myrrh, but most of them haven’t even borne pencils or notebooks.

Maybe Mrs. O’Reilly is sending so many students to me because I’m the grade chair this year. This means I get to keep track of things for the grade level and be responsible for receiving and passing on information from the administration. And this year, grade chair is an unpaid position! Woohoo! This is of course why I have the honor of serving in this capacity. The third grade