came to my eyes as I tried one more time to give him mouth to mouth. I grabbed him and lifted his body to mines. I wanted him to hear my heart cry for him.
“Dawg, the hook is on the way. Come on, let’s get him in the car. We gotta get the fuck outta here. Let me take him,” my cousin tried to convince me once again. I was fucked up, and nothing he said made sense, and I wasn’t trying to hear nothing he had to say. My son was dead. No parent should ever have to experience this feeling. I only needed to feel the last of the warmth left in his body. Vomit threatened to spill out of me. I knew right then and there I would never be the same. It was over for Oni and her whole damn family. I couldn’t help but wonder if this was the karma coming back to me, from all of the families I made cry during my career in the streets.
“Fah, the hook will be here. What you wanna do?” G asked me.
I didn’t give a fuck if he said the police was behind me. At the moment nothing in this world mattered to me. My son, my only son lay dead. And for what? His bitch of a mother and her ho ass brothers. I weighed my options as the faint sounds of the sirens whispered at a distance. The warehouse was dark, cold, and filled with the smell of gunfire. It felt as if the walls were closing in on me. I couldn’t think straight.
“My son, G. They shot my son.” I squeezed him tighter, wishing I could turn back the hands of time. I hadn’t even gotten used to the idea of having a son, and now he was dead. Hell, I just met him no more than four months ago, and just like that . . . he was gone. I did a lot of things in my life, but never in a million years would I have thought that the ultimate sacrifice would be the life of my child. My only son, who I didn’t even get the chance to know. I hadn’t even learned all of his favorite foods or if he had bad dreams in the middle of the night. Did I tell him that I was going to be the best father that I could possibly be? He was just getting used to me being a part of his life. All I could think was I didn’t get to tell him how much I loved him. I wouldn’t get to teach him how to drive, talk about girls . . . damn, I felt cheated. At that very moment, I wanted to die right with him. But I knew I would never be able to savor the sweet taste of revenge. That was more important to me.
Snell was standing over me, his face wet with sweat and tears, the wrinkle in his brow reflecting the urgency in his voice. He was now begging me to leave. Impatiently, he rushed back and forth from the front door and back to where Lil’ Faheem and I were lying. “Believe me, man, I understand how you feel. I swear, I know your pain. You already know I’ve been there when I lost my daughter. But Fah, the hook is coming and ain’t no way we gonna be able to explain all this fire and these dead muthafuckas in here, including lil’ Fah. They ain’t going to be trying to hear shit!” Snell was trying his best to reason with me.
For real, what he really wanted to say was, “Nigga I ain’t trying to go to jail!” I appreciated his loyalty and would remember that.
“Nigga, I got this. Ain’t no sense in all of us dealing with this shit. Y’all go ahead and bounce.”
“Can’t do—”
“Snell! Y’all just go,” My voice cracked. I looked him in the eye. “This is my battle. I got it from here. You and G go. Call Jaz and tell her I need her and to get here. Don’t tell her shit else but to get here, now.”
I looked around at the dead bodies and then back at my son.
“Make sure the strap Wali had is still on him. But grab up ours.” I kicked the one I had away from me. “I got this. I know what to tell them. Go!” I scanned the room and there was a